


Ready To Run

by sincewewereeighteen



Series: 2014/2015 (they never tried like us) [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1d, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Closeted Character, Fluff, Freedom, Love, M/M, Music, Reality, Top Harry, Top Louis, Travel, Where We Are Tour, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, otra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3882460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincewewereeighteen/pseuds/sincewewereeighteen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What the actual fuck is wrong with you people?” was the first thing that came out of his mouth as soon as he spotted the blonde lady in the corner. “In fact straight? Seriously? Oh MY GOD. How many times am I gonna have to repeat until you fucking understand you do NOT have the right to control my twitter account? Wasn’t I clear enough last time?” He knew he was yelling and it wasn’t the first time. </p><p>A couple of years ago, in this very same sickening room, he was having the same argument.</p><p>Or: the canon fic no one asked for in which Louis and Harry have to fight every single day to be together - and they never get tired, because, in the end, it's always worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_There will always be the kind that criticize, but I know, yes, I know we’ll be all right._

            Final show. They couldn’t believe it. After so many months traveling around the world, there they were, in Miami, just about to hit the stage for the last concert of the Where We Are Tour.             It wasn’t nervousness, there was just this buzz going around because they. couldn’t. believe. it. Finishing another tour meant a lot to all five of them. It meant even more for Louis and Harry.

            “Up in five, boys”, Paul called as Lou rushed to finish Harry’s make up. He would never stand still for her, since day one.

            They gathered together for the usual bonding before stage. Niall and Zayn finished their energetic drinks and tossed the cans somewhere and Niall smirked at Harry – after all this time, he knew exactly the “why didn’t you find a proper trash?” face every time he did this.

            “Hey”, Louis called Harry, “give me a hug?” He didn’t have to ask twice, the boy was already putting his arms around his waist and pulling him close.

            “ _Cameras”_ , someone said behind them, but it only made Harry hold tighter.

            “We made it through another tour”, Louis hissed into Harry’s neck. “Fuck, Hazz, we- we made it through another tour. Together.” The realization was so stunning to Louis that he knew he was going to bring the subject once again, when they were in private and had more time.

            _“Two minutes”_ , another voice. They weren’t distinguishing them.

            “Couldn’t have done it any other way”, Harry said, pulling away only enough to look Louis in the eyes. “Love you” he said, leaning for a kiss.

            “ _CAMERAS, FOR GOD’S SAKE”_ , it was Ben, Louis was sure. He turned around squeezing his eyes. He could listen the roar of the crowd getting louder and louder and he counted he had sixty seconds till they were on stage.

            “Fucking turn it off so I can kiss my boyfriend before our last show”, he responded to an annoyed Ben.

            “Or film it, I don’t really care”, Harry smiled, leaning in again to catch Louis’ lips. It was fast and tempting and next thing they know a bang exploded, the clip ended and they were due to perform.

           

            Among screams, some tears, lyric changes and a lot of sign language towards each other, they brought another show to a perfect ending. Niall had no voice afterwards. Zayn wouldn’t stop jumping on their way to the cars that were waiting. Harry tripped and fell off the stairs to backstage. Louis was watching from behind with Liam as they made their way to the vans – he attempted to help Harry, but someone from their crew lifted him and he only laughed, continuing to pay attention to what Liam was telling him.

            “… So I intend to spend more time with her.” Payne finished.

            “Sorry, what?” Louis looked at him again, grabbing a water bottle from a gentle blonde woman by his side. One day he would remember everyone’s name. There was just so many people.

            “Sophia.”

            “Oh, yeah. She’s not happy, is she?” He offered his friend a little smile.

            “How could she, Tommo? It’s not like I can be with her and on tour.” Liam vented. Louis could only imagine how frustrating it was for him – and Zayn, as a matter of fact – to stay away from the person he loved so long. It’s not like they could do anything about it, but it didn’t make it any easier either. “I know I keep saying this, but you two are lucky, you know.”

            “Yeah.” Louis agreed, cause it was all he could do. Despite everything, they were. _He_ was fucking lucky, even when he didn’t feel like it – and, guiltily, he didn’t, at times.

            “Y’all going to the hotel?” Paul asked.

            “I’ve got a party to hit”, Niall raised his hand. “Anyone interested?”

            “Where, Niall?” Lottie asked.

            “At a friend’s bar.”

            “I’m going. Lou?” She turned to Louise, whom she was only kind of shadowing.

            “I’m supposed to catch an early flight with Zayn and Louis tomorrow… Oh, what the fuck, c’mon, I’m not that old.” The three of them smiled and looked at Paul, who breathed tiredly and nodded, pointing them to a black car.

            “See you later, little brother. We’re flying together, yeah?” She said as she hugged Louis.

            “Course, love. Be careful. No beverage, no drugs, no boys.” He tapped her back and she rolled her eyes, smiling.

            “Take care of him”, she pointed at Harry and then hugged him too.

            “Don’t I always?” Styles smiled proudly and felt Louis by his side instantly, pulling Lottie away saying “go, go, go”. “Have a nice one, sis”, Harry yelled as she followed Lou and Niall – and three other people who decided to join the party – to the black car near them.

            Paul looked at the remaining members, the crew already passing fast by them with cables and bags loading the trucks.

            “I’m going to the hotel, need some sleep, mate.” Liam warned.

            “Yeah, me too.” Zayn agreed. Of course. After all the party he and Louis had gotten in South America, they laid low for the whole US leg of the tour. Tomlinson only nodded to agree.

            Harry was going to say something when Tony raised his voice.

            “Harry, you’ve got an appearance to make”, he said, making Louis frown and Harry snort, but, polite as he was, as he always is, he only said “ok, give me a second and let’s go”. Tony waved at them and went to another black car, now parked closer to them.

            “Wait for me?” He asked Louis.

            “Of course. I’ll make Zayn play FIFA with me for a few hours”, Zayn wailed, “or maybe play in his room while he sleeps”. But he quite knew that Zayn wasn’t going to sleep right away. None of them could after a gig. Liam was probably gonna work out before bed. Zayn would be convinced to play with him, he was sure.

            “In and out the party, promise”, Harry said fast, pecking Louis’ lips and saying his goodbyes, going after Tony.

            Sometimes Harry just wanted to say “fuck it all”. At times like this, when he was really tired, needing a warm bath, good food and good sex, he just wanted to throw a lot of lies into the fan. Well, for his consolation, he knew that one of the things in his list he was still getting that night. He smiled at the thought feeling the pressure in his head and asked for a headache pill. Tony, who wasn’t all useless, gave him one and a bottled water.

            “So, there are some people you know over there. It’s a small private club and all you have to do is have a drink or two, dance for a while and then we’re out. Two hours, tops.”

            “Beautiful”, he answered.

                                      He was happy. _He was_. He was just tired.

                                      Unsurprisingly, the _small private club_ was crowded with paparazzis and somehow their thirty-something flashes could outshine the thousands of the fans’ just a while ago. And he tried to smile and be nice to them, he knew it was their job, but they could be rude and Harry didn’t do rude, so he just entered the club with Tony and a security guard on his tale, pulling the fedora down his face to hide his eyes.

            He spent most of the time replying texts from his friends and scheduling visits for when he got back to England. Tony handed him some spicy drink that he only sipped from and when two girls he knew approached him, he smiled at them, danced three songs and called it a night. It was easier than he thought. Still, really dirty, if the stopped to think about what it meant.

            _It’s all about the Harry Styles image_ , management people’s voice echoed in his mind.

            As he got to the hotel, Tony said goodbye in the elevator and the only thing Harry replied was “I wanna come out”.

 

            The light was out but he knew Louis was awake. Of course he was, because 1) they were gonna part ways in the morning, no way he wouldn’t wait for Harry and 2) besides the post-gig buzz, there was the ‘no Harry in bed’ issue, so it would’ve taken more time for him to sleep. Harry contemplated the thought of showering and then getting into bed, but he could shower in the morning, right? Right.

            He took off his shoes and clothes, and left his phone and wallet on the side table, turned on the side lamp and crawled into bed. Louis turned on his side, to face him.

            “Everything ok?”, Louis whispered.

            “Now it is”, Harry replied, cupping his face carefully. “Did you beat the crap out of Zayn on FIFA?”

            “Oh, of course”, Louis smirked, “but I really don’t wanna talk about Zayn right now”, he raised an eyebrow, putting one leg in between Harry’s.

            “Yeah, what do you want to talk about then?” Harry smiled, laying his face on Louis neck to suck a bruise there.

            “I’d rather- not” Louis breathed, “talk at all”, he finished, feeling Harry’s weight above him already and moved one of his hands to his curls – he would _never_ get over them. He would never get over _him_. But then again, what was new?

           

            “Remind me again why you have to leave America?” Harry’s sleepy voice echoed in the room while Louis tried to get up from bed, still trapped under his giant boyfriend.

            “You know why.” He lowered his voice, brushing his fingers carefully through Harry’s curls and laying them on his cheek afterwards.

            “It’s not fair.” His voice was still sleepy and he hadn’t opened his eyes yet. Louis hated when Harry got like this, all pouty and sad and kind of childish. It was annoying because then Louis had to be the grown up and he really hated it, he was pretty comfortable being the not responsible one in the relationship – except for the fact that now Harry would take each and every opportunity he got to act like hiding was the end of the world and initiate a conversation about coming out.

            “I know it’s not, baby, and I’m gonna miss you so much.” Louis breathed heavily, while getting up, because it was true. He knew he had had his last decent night of sleep for two weeks, since being apart from Harry and being in hell was probably the same thing and who can sleep well in hell anyway? (Do people sleep in hell?) Louis didn’t laugh at his own _mind-terrible-joke_ , just leaned in and kissed Harry, who opened his mouth instantaneously and grabbed his hips, making him fall onto the bed again. “Hazz”, he said in his mouth, “time”.

            “Stay.” Now he was on top of Harry and the boy had just opened his eyes. _Talking about fair_ : those green eyes definitely weren’t. “Come with me to LA. Please.”

            “It’s not like that, love. I gotta see my family, we-”, but he never finished.

            “We can’t be seen alone together”, Harry closed his eyes again and loosened his grip on Louis’ hips. “Ok, go.”

            “Hey”

            “No, it’s fine. I know. _I know_.” He lifted himself off the bed and offered his hand for Louis to get up as well. “Call me when you land?”

            “Of course, love.”

            “Oh, grab my bag… No wait.” He walked across the room and pulled two pink kits and put into Louis’ bag. “I promised Phoebe and Daisy Disney’s make up kits, well, they’re not from Disney, but they’re princess stuff.”

            “No wonder why they like you better than me”, Luis snorted. “Thanks, love.”

            “Tell everyone I miss them and I hope to see them soon”, Harry started and  Louis nodded. “I’ll miss you.”

            “You too. Please don’t allegedly date anyone in two weeks.” He just had to say it, because it was hard enough when he’d part ways with Harry to go on a date, but it was worse when he was in another continent and had to read those stuff.

            “I’ll try. But, it’s LA. You know.” All Louis could do was nod again. “Please don’t be photographed kissing Eleanor for the next two weeks?”, it sounded more like a question.

            “I won’t. I’ll probably have to see her and- like, go on a photo op or something, but no, no kissing, I promise.” Someone knocked on the door and Louis jumped in Harry’s arms once again. “I love you.”

            “Love you, Lou. Go.”

            Ok. Two weeks, they could do it. They kissed for a minute or so, until someone knocked on the door again and Louis grabbed his stuff, leaving the room with his heart on his throat, like he did many times before, like would have to continue doing for… How long exactly?

            At times like this, he’d want to come out. He’d re-re-reconsider everything Harry had told him, all of his mother’s advice and just picture a day when he and Harry wouldn’t have to hide anything, when they’d be able to glance at each other again during interviews without being afraid and hold hands while waiting for their bags at a random airport. At times like this he would almost give in. But it wasn’t easy. _Firsts_ were really hard, he knew it. And he wasn’t ready to come out as a _first gay couple in a famous boyband_. He watched Lance Bass’s interview on the plane and for a few minutes he comforted himself with the thought of a future in which the fame would’ve faded or the world would’ve become a better place and nobody would actually care about his sexuality. And then he slept terribly and woke up to Lottie telling him lunch was coming.

 

            Harry knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep anymore, so he just ordered some breakfast and started packing. He called his mom ‘cause it had been a while and then did some writing. He had some long days ahead of him and that’s why he decided to keep his schedule full for the next days or so, after resting for 48 hours in his LA house.

            Louis had called twice since he got to London and life there seemed pretty much the same, he was going up to Doncaster to see his family in a few days and couldn’t be more excited – well, he could, if they were together, but.

            “Styles, long time no see”, he heard a voice from the other side of the line but he had just woken up from a nap and hadn’t seen the caller ID.

            “Hi”, he managed to say.

            “It’s James, you dickhead.”

            “Oh, piss off, I was sleeping.”

            The other guy laughed.

            “Up for a hockey game tonight?”

            “Will I be playing?” He asked confused, he wasn’t good at things that involved: balance, accuracy and speed.

            “Course not, twat, you’ll be _watching_.”

            “Okay, yeah, save me a seat.”

            “Will do. Just say your name on the front, or, you know, don’t, they’ll probably recognize this terrible face of yours.”

            “Didn’t miss you”, Harry smiled, getting more awake by the minute.

            “Later, Styles.”

            So that’s how he ended up at a bar that night, after drinking quite a few beers during the hockey match with James and his friends that seemed pretty nice and didn’t really care who he was – which was nice. Apart from the pictures at the game, he was pretty sure he wasn’t spotted anywhere up until the next day, when he decided to go shopping around Beverly Hills.

            Truth was, he needed to start his Christmas Shopping, cause he knew the next month would be filled with promo work and his time would be only enough for a bit of sex and less than a bit of sleep. He called Gemma that afternoon to check in and ask advice on what to buy for the family and stayed on the phone for at least three hours, entering five stores and leaving with heavy bags.

            He continued his shopping the next day out and about in LA and bought some stuff for the house, since he’d be there the next week to receive it. Everything was perfectly fine and then management called. It was nothing much, but the slightest contact with them made him a little sick, especially when he was trying to have lunch.

            “Harry, hi, good evening.”

            “Hi”, he replied, “still afternoon here”.

            “Hm, have you talked to Louis these past few days?” As if they didn’t know the answer.

            “Y-yeah, why?”

            “We’ve been trying to reach him, but he won’t answer.” Harry held his laugh. Louis was at home watching as many tv shows as he could and eating a lot of bad stuff for his health, keeping a low profile and not even going out to pick his sisters from school – what he usually did when he had free time.

            _Maybe he doesn’t wanna talk to you_ , he thought about responding, but then: “his phone must have been off”.

            “For three days straight?”

            “Well, what do you want? Maybe I can give your message? I’m pretty sure he will answer _my_ call.” Harry said politely and yet starting to lose his calm. He detested whenever management used him to get to Louis, or vice versa. This was time _off_ for fuck’s sake.

            “He’s scheduled to go on the X Factor on the seventeenth and we just want to confirm…”

            Harry said “okay” and “I’ll ask him to contact you” and then hung up cause he had a party to get to, and he wasn’t one to get smashed, but he’d rather be pretty drunk that night and sleep like a baby than toss and turn in bed like he had been doing for almost a week now. (Truth was he could only assume where Louis was ‘cause they hadn’t spoken to each other that day.) It was Lily Allen’s after party and she was a sweet girl, some of his friends would be there and he could relax.

            He had just gotten home when his phone rang, it was Louis’ caller ID.

            “So, I’m thinking about adopting Louis since he’s a better son than you are, I mean, at least he visits…” Anne’s voice came on the other side of the line and Harry grinned to himself.

            “Mom, w-what?”

            “Almost five days without calling me, Harry Styles? I’ve taught you better than that.”

            “You’re in Doncaster? London?”

            “Lou’s here”, she answered and he could feel her smile. “Hi, babe”, it was Louis now and he was laughing, “how are you?”

            “The fuck?” Harry laughed too, “management’s crazy trying to reach you”.

            “Oh, I know, I’ve been purposely declining their calls.”

            “You went to see my mom.”

            “Yeah, well, somebody had to, poor Anne here was so lonely with Robin, it’s a shame, isn’t it? These kids leave home at sixteen and never come back, just to live the _Hollywood millionaire popstar life_ …”

            “Twat”, he laughed again. Louis did too. “So, you’re on Cheshire then? Are you going to stay at mom’s?”

            “Yeah, going back to Donny tomorrow and then back to London next week. When are you coming back?”

            “By the end of next week, straight to London. I have some events to attend here.”

            “ _Events_ ”, Louis snorted.

            “Plus, I’m doing some stuff around the house, bought new furniture and everything…” So they started talking about the changes Harry was making and deciding which TV he would buy, ‘cause he didn’t feel the one he had was big enough, although Louis strongly disagreed. The talk went for an hour or so until Anne claimed Louis back, saying that he was there for _her_ and he could talk to Harry whenever he wanted, so Harry talked to his mom for a few minutes and then Louis again, only to say goodbye and _sleep well_. The time zone was completely different and he needed to shower and get ready to leave again.

 

            The next few days were pretty standard and once the Christmas shopping was done and he had nothing left to do, he started packing again and met up with Jeff who had just gotten back from Australia. They had become close friends in the past few months and Harry was already pretty fond of the lad, once he was almost part of the family now.

            “What’s tomorrow, then?” Jeff asked opening the fridge to get another beer.

            “I’m going hiking. D’you wanna come?

            “Nah, I have a meeting, trying to be a grown up and all that.”

            “That sucks.”

            “You tell me about it”, Harry accepted the beer and sat on one of the stools in his kitchen.

            “How are you, H?”

            “I’m good, going to England the day after tomorrow.”

            It was weird ‘cause a year ago Harry would’ve said he was going _home_. Except for the fact that England wasn’t _home_ exactly, not anymore. Of course Holmes Chapel would always be his safe place, the reminder of a simpler life, the proof that not _everything_ had to change and solid ground for when he needed to put his head in place, but it wasn’t _home_ anymore – he didn’t belong there. He didn’t belong to a place, that was the truth. He belonged to a person and wherever they were together, that was home for him.

            “I’m asking about the, you know, coming out stuff. Dad said you called him these days…”

            “Yeah, about that”, he drank half of the beer at once.

            “Will they let you come out?”

            “No. Isn’t that why I’m talking to your father and his lawyers?” Harry laughed bitterly and finished the beer. Jeff tossed him another without asking. “Lou- he… He doesn’t want to. I’m trying to decide whether it’s harder to be with him in the closet or be with _him_ hidden when I’m out.”

            “But you deserve to be free, if you want to.”

            “I do. But it’s not that easy.”

            It wasn’t the first time they were having this conversation. Actually, it seemed that anyone in Harry’s life who knew about his sexuality and his will to come out would talk about this the first chance they got. And he couldn’t find a way to explain because people wouldn’t understand.

            At first, coming out would harm One Direction. He couldn’t just decide for them all and risk losing everything they had built since the music industry was cruel and fickle. So he waited. He waited in order to not be responsible for ruining the once in a lifetime chance to do what he loved with four of the best people he had met. The boys said they would support, so did his family, of course - _that_ hasn’t changed.

            Secondly, he decided to talk to management. But the answer was, still, a clear no. The band was powerful enough to handle it in England and America but… What about the sales? And the younger audience? And the more traditional countries? What about the concerts? And what about splitting the fandom? Harry didn’t agree with all that crap because he _trusted_ his fans loved him beyond his sexuality, he _trusted_ that it didn’t matter if he was _available to date a fifteen year old_ or not, the music was strong enough that they wouldn’t care. More than that, he _believed_ the world was a better place than it was twenty years ago. But he had a contract to honor.

            Then his lawyer found a breach in the contract. That’s when things started to change a few months ago, when he couldn’t handle another winter girlfriend; “come December, I’m gonna be free”, he stated in one of their meetings. So he started talking to _Azoff Music Management_ and became friends with the family – a really great family. Irving was like a second father and said the company would provide every and any help they could with the transition, but there was something holding him back: Louis. And that was the most difficult part somehow. They would fight and they would yell and cry a little. But they would always apologize and kiss and dream about a better future. Except for the fact that Harry was ready to have this future right away while his boyfriend was comfortable enough to put it off until… When? He didn’t know.

            Jeff sighed knowing that he wouldn’t get a complete answer from Harry and complied with finishing the dishes for his friend along with the third or fourth beer of the evening. They talked until Harry called it a night saying that he needed to wake up early the next day, but Jeff was tipsy enough that he couldn’t drive, so Harry offered one of the guests’ bedrooms. He called Louis on skype that night and as silly as it seems, he knew he would sleep a bit better after seeing his face. Still, he couldn’t wait to get to London.

            “Hiking? Really, Harold?” Louis smirked in disbelief.

            “Well, gotta do something to blow off some steam”, he joked.

            “Oh, honey, you just get here and I’ll blow something for you.”

            “You’d better”, Harry responded. “It’s late there, Lou, go to sleep.”

            “Don’t want to, it’s cold.”

            “Put on a jumper”, he said and then Louis showed him what he was wearing. The gray one Harry had worn for the You and I video clip.

            “Still cold”, Louis complained. “Miss you, love.”

            “Same here. Have you been eating?”

            “What? With no room service, mom or you to cook for me? Poorly”, he laughed weakly to hide his tiredness. Harry did the same. They didn’t do well without each other.

            “You do know you’re getting too skinny right?”

            “Are we seriously gonna have this conversation _again_ via skype now? I’m fine, H, seriously.” And then he rolled his eyes.

            “Okay. I love you. Now try and sleep, I’m right here.”

            “Right here”, Louis repeated snorting from the other side of the screen. He was _in a mood_ that particular night. Harry didn’t mind, as long as he could hear the other boy’s voice. “Night, Haz.”

            “Night, Lou.”

            Harry watched almost creepily as Louis eyes shut and his breath evened, lips curving up in a small smile. He then set off his phone alarm for six am and pushed de duvet up to his waist to finally sleep.

            The next day he woke up easily, knowing that it’d be a long one, but it was the last time he’d be in LA for a while and he was fine with that. His new furniture had already arrived and the clean ladies would come over that afternoon so he didn’t need to worry. He went on his hiking with some friends and made sure to get back home before it got dark, tired as hell – spent the next day vegging on the couch watching movies and talking to friends, feeling almost normal alone and kind of MIA. He checked twitter before bed, just to remind himself that there was an outside world he would have to go back to.

 

            Louis had to wake up at seven am to get to X Factor Studios and help some contestants, but his body rarely obeyed him. Now, knowing that Harry was on a plane getting there and they’d see each other after two weeks (which was _fifty years_ in One Direction time since they spent every waking hour together), his head was filled with happiness and adrenaline and he was tossing and turning in bed. It was probably two am when he finally got to sleep and as soon as he was conscious enough in the morning, he decided that _that_ had been the best sleep of his life, but that was only because Harry had gotten in bed with him somewhere in time. He must have arrived in the middle of the night – well, of course, duh – and got under the covers. Now he had a mouthful of curls and felt a heavy arm on his waist.

            Louis kissed Harry’s neck and then his jaw, making his way to the other boy’s mouth. Harry was so, _so_ soft under his body that he had to stop and smile at the now half awake person in front of him. Harry smiled with his eyes still closed and Louis leaned in to kiss him properly, but slowly. Every time their tongues touched filled the gap from the past days, _missed you so much_ was being said with no words needed. Louis then reminded of the blow job implied promise from a couple of days ago and started to kiss Harry’s neck again, taking his time to leave a love bit right under his earlobe.

            “Morning, love”, he whispered in Harry’s ear, lowering himself a little bit to start kissing his collarbones and running his hands down his torso only to realize, not surprised, that Harry was already naked. He then scratched one of his boyfriend’s thigh while sucking in one of his nipples, making Harry arch his back a little from the bed and emit the first sound of the day, the so damn beautiful moan Louis was longing to hear since Miami – God, that felt like a lifetime ago.

            By the time Louis got to suck on Harry’s hipbones, leaving another mark above the _might as well_ tattoo that he loved to much, Harry was already fully hard and not controlling his hands anymore, tugging hard on Louis’ hair and pulling him for a harsh kiss and switching them on the bed.

            “Morning, love”, he then spoke into his mouth, giving another fast kiss while undressing his boy. Even though it seemed like Harry dealt well with separation since he used to go out and meet people while they weren’t together, he missed this just as much as the older boy. Nothing was safer than being with Louis, nothing felt more right.

            He pressed small kisses all over Louis’ face making him _giggle_ and wrap his small wrists around Harry’s neck, pulling him down and making their dicks rub, Harry enjoyed the friction and did it again while biting on Louis’ jaw, who swallowed a moan and scratched Harry’s back.

            “Get off me, I need to suck you off”, Louis found the voice to say, but Harry gave his answer by parting  Louis’ legs and getting in between them, starting to dry hump on him. If it were any other day, Louis would probably close his ankles behind Harry’s back and they’d go from there, but 1) Louis had less than two hours to be out of the house and 2) he _really_ felt like giving head in that particular morning.

            To his luck, Harry was the most gentle giant in the world, cause he’d let Louis control their bodies if he wanted to, so even when he was on top, he made it easy for Louis to reverse their positions. And this time the boy didn’t intent to let Harry stop him again, kissing the head of his dick while holding both of his hands to the mattress, making it impossible for the green-eyed one to induce the pace. Louis wasn’t one to tease, and relaxed his jaw to take in most of Harry’s length – he’d never be able to take it all without gagging, and eventually he had to let go of the boy’s hands to use his own to cover the part his mouth didn’t. Bobbing rapidly up and down, using one of his hands to cup Harry’s balls, he had the boy coming down his throat in a couple of minutes and changing their positions once again, jerking Louis off quickly while giving him a bruising kiss. They lied faced to each other and kissed lazily until air was extremely necessary.

            “Hi”, Louis smiled on Harry’s chest, tracing patterns with his fingers on Harry’s defined stomach.

            “Hi yourself”, Harry replied not containing his own smile. “’M glad you keep your promises, even the implied ones.”

            “Hmmm”, he hummed in acknowledgement.

            “How’s your day like?”

            “I’m up this early so you can tell it’s crappy… Well, not really, since you’re here”, Louis corrected himself and hugged Harry even more tight, putting one leg in between Harry’s. “Got X Factor in an hour, but that’s it. You?”

            “Having lunch and dinner with my boyfriend, I hope. You coming home after X Factor or…?”

            “Y-yeah, sure. God, I’m so glad you’re here”, Louis breathed into Harry’s hair after lifting his head, “can’t believe I’m gonna have a proper meal.” At that, Harry pinched his side and made him laugh, but that was boost enough to make Louis get out of bed and make his way to the shower.

            When he got to the kitchen, Harry had made him tea and toasts, promising a better one the next day, when they’d have time to eat a full English breakfast on the couch while watching some weird tv show Louis had probably borrowed from Gemma.

            “Have you talked to any of the boys these past few days?” Harry asked when Louis was finally getting dressed to leave the house.

            “Only Niall, he’s in Ireland but he’ll come back to go to the X Factor with me again next week”, he replied putting an apple white shirt. “Did you know that the new apple CEO just came out as gay?”

            “Did he?”

            “Yeah”, he replied smiling. “We’ll get there.”

            Harry only nodded not wanting to get on the subject at eight thirty in the morning. Plus, Louis was already late. He gave him a _good day_ kiss and let him out the door, getting back inside to wash the dishes and sleep some more, since he spent the entire night on a plane and had his time zone all screwed up.

            It didn’t take long for Louis to get back to the house and literally jump in the bed like a kid on Christmas’ Eve… But      then again, Louis _was_ a kid on Christmas’ Eve, and that was the main reason why Harry fell for him a little bit more every time he’d see those shiny blue eyes. They stayed there deciding what they were going to eat for lunch since it was midday and Harry hadn’t found the courage to get to the kitchen again. After a few complaints from Louis side, he got to his feet and made his way to the kitchen only to realize that Louis had next to zero when it came to ingredients.

            “What in hell have you been eating? Seriously? If I didn’t know how rich you are I’d think you don’t have money to buy food”, Harry said almost laughing trying to find _something_ other than ice cream and a bunch of cookies.

            “You do know I have an amazing amount of take out numbers, love”, he said smiling and sitting on the counter while Harry put some water to boil. He could see _mac and cheese_ was coming and he couldn’t be happier. Speaking of happy… “Hey, the twins loved the makeup stuff.”

            “I know, your mom called me and they said thanks”, Harry turned and smiled a bit.

            Louis fetched himself a beer and sat silently listening to whatever was on the radio while watching Harry cook. Since day one, these were the moments that he valued the most. He wasn’t lying when he said in interviews that he still tried to live a normal life and hadn’t changed much after all the fame and the money that was thrown his way. Truth was he loved fifty thousand people screaming his songs and good reviews on newspaper about lyrics _he had written_ , but when he was with Harry… That’s when he felt most accomplished.

            You see, Louis was never as confident as he came out to be in front of the cameras. Most of the time he’d feel self-conscious and completely wrecked, so all the loudness and jokes to the public were used to cover his nervousness. That was part of his nature: help people, make them smile, be there for your friends, but don’t let anyone see when you’re down. Harry, though, Harry saw it all. When he thinks like this, he sees that he never really had a choice other than be with that curly-haired green-eyed guy.

            Ed Sheeran started singing and Harry took his attention from the stove to tell Louis he was going to their friend’s concert in Birmingham the next day and he only nodded and drank a bit more, lifting himself up and walking to Harry, having to be on his tiptoes to put his chin on the boy’s shoulder.

            “I can’t believe you outgrew me”, he mumbles and feels rather than sees Harry chuckle. Harry turned around and kissed his forehead, and then they hugged for a while.

            “My mom’s birthday’s on Tuesday…” Harry started.

            “Already bought her a present”, Louis responded and Harry waited for him to tell him what it was. “Remember when we were talking about how nice it’d be for her and Robin to take some time off? I was reading this article the other day about the recent elected most beautiful beach in the world… Which happens to be in Greece. And since _we_ can’t go on a cruise there… Well, thought Anne would appreciate it.”

            “You bought my mom a trip?”

            “A cruise trip.” Louis answered proudly.

            “And what am _I_ supposeto give her?” Harry pretended to be kind of outraged but couldn’t hide the fondness in his voice even if he tried.

            “We can always say we bought it together.” Louis shrugged and Harry turned again to the stove, turning the fire off.

            “Yeah, but when your son’s a millionaire and dates another millionaire, you can expect two presents instead of one… Plus, we can start looking like an old married couple once we _do_ get married.”

            “One, I’m sorry to break it to you, but we already _act_ like an old married couple, have since the start. Two, this better not be a proposal.” Louis warned him and finished the beer, getting the plates to put on the table. He needed to call the maid and made a self note to do so.

            “I’m gonna make an _epic_ proposal, Tomlinson, you just wait.”

            “Not if I beat you”, he raised his eyebrows in challenge and Harry laughed. He couldn’t remember when they started joking about marriage, probably somewhere back in 2012, but it was just so natural now.

            They ate in a comfortable silence and then moved to the couch to watch _One Tree Hill_. “If I have to take _Titanic_ and _Love Actually_ at least twice a month, you can take Brooke Davis’ drama with me… Plus, look at Nathan!!!!” was Louis’ way to convince Harry before he even started complaining. And how could he? This was just so rare nowadays.

 

            So, they spent the weekend apart. Louis met up with a few friends and bought Stan a new car while Harry went to Ed’s concert and then straight to Holmes Chapel, still trying to get his mom a decent present. _Thank God_ Gemma was home to help him and, really, she _was_ a blessing and he missed her dearly.

            On the morning of the twenty first of October they woke Anne up at eight am with smiles on their faces and lots of food on two trails to have breakfast in bed. Robin kissed her good morning and then said he’d go out to run some errands, and Harry thanked him, appreciating the way he excused himself to let both him and Gemma spend some times with their mother.

            It wasn’t up until she started tearing up in the middle of tea that they set the food aside and sandwiched her under the duvets. Anne had her head on Gemma’s shoulder and Harry had his on his mother’s chest.

            “Why d’you grow up so fast?” She asked trying to disguise the crying noise that was forming on her throat.

            “To show you how great you are for raising us”, Harry replied simply.

            “Oh, you. I love you, so, so much”, she said. “Can’t believe you’re home for my birthday”, Anne smiled and so did Gemma. Since One Direction started, Harry had missed a few important dates with his family, and the guilt never really left him… Although there was no one blaming anyone.

            When the clock reached ten am, they gave Anne the second present of the day. Of course Gemma had already given her an amazing dress at midnight and Harry completed it with shoes and a necklace, but it was just the beginning. There was a note inside an envelope saying that she had an appointment at a spa downtown and her smile widened before she gave them both a tight hug and kisses on cheeks, petting their hairs like she did when they were kids. One of the great things about his family, Harry thought, was that they were never afraid of showing love.

            Once Anne got out of the house, Alice and her brother, Harry and Gemma’s childhood friends, arrived at the house to help them prepare a surprise party. As far as Anne was concerned, they were all going out to dinner that night.

            While Gemma and Alice handled the decoration and Alice’s brother went to the supermarket to get drinks, Harry started calling their closest friends to invite them over – and you may think that this is an _easy_ job, but he spent at least twenty minutes with each of them on the line, once “it’s been so long since we’ve seen you Harry” was how they started the conversation and finished with “we’re so proud of you, boy”. He’d smile and say he’d hope to see them at night… It was true.

            Robin arrived in the afternoon bearing a huge cake and some bags with frozen pizzas and that was the cue for his friends to leave, saying they’d come back later.

            The bell rang just before the clock turned six and Harry went to answer it, since Gemma was upstairs showering and so was Robin. He was surprised to see Jay and all of her children entering the house.

            “Harry Edward Styles, who the hell are you to not invite your mother-in-law who misses you _so much_ to your _mother_ who happens to be one of my best friends to her surprise party?” Jay says, tugging on his earlobe and yelling at him, making Félicité, who was the closest, laugh loudly and give him a slap as well.

            “Auch, Fizzy” he falsely complained.

            “That was for not sending me a gift as well, Styles”, she stared at him and then walked away, already knowing her way around the house.

            “She’s not really pissed, is she? I’m gonna get her something”, he started saying worriedly to Johanna.

            “Oh, she’s not, but _I_ am.”

            “I’m so sorry, Lou said he’d go to the Rover’s game and I thought you guys would go too, it didn’t even cross my mind”, he said apologetic and picked Doris from her, hugging the little girl as he saw Dan entering the house a while later with Ernest asleep on his shoulder. “Put him in my bedroom”, he lowered his voice and kissed the boy’s head and smiled at Dan, who nodded and mouthed a “hi” to him before climbing the stairs. “Seriously, Jay…” He started saying leading the family to the living room.

            “Oh, stop it, Styles. You’re like a puppy… I can’t even make fun of you”, she said starting to laugh and pulling him in for a hug. “Lou told us not to say anything… He’s coming after the game too, but the party will probably be over by then _and_ the girls didn’t wanna wait for him.”

            “ _And_ Lottie didn’t want to come”, Phoebe stated, claiming attention. Harry gave Doris back to her mother and turned to hug the other girl.

            “She’s seen me a lot the past few months, she’s probably tired of my face”, he joked, nuzzling into her hair.

            “I love your face, Harry”, Daisy said and he hugged her too.

            “I love your face too”, he replied smiling and petting her hair. Harry had so much love for those girls and that family that he just _knew_ , without a trace of doubt, that the Styles-Tomlinson family was supposed to _be_.

            He waited for Gemma and Robin to get downstairs so he could go up and shower. By the time he was ready, Gemma had already left to pick Anne up from the spa and their friends started to arrive. Had the house been bigger, Harry would’ve done a magnificent job at that party, but Anne never wanted to leave that street and their old place, so he just stuffed the leaving room with as many people as he could, knowing how much his mother would appreciate all of their presences and when Gemma texted him she was around the corner, all the lights went off.

            Seeing Anne’s smile – followed by some tears of happiness – was all the reassurance he needed that some things would never change, and her words from the X Factor days echoed in his mind: _no matter how big and famous you become, you’ll always be my baby_.

            It was about ten thirty when Louis finally arrived and by this time a lot of friends had already left, only Harry’s cousin and Alice were still there – and he’ll be damned if they weren’t having an affair behind everyone’s back. Harry was catching up with them when he heard his boy’s voice coming from the doorstep and a greeting from Gemma who was coming down the stairs with pink stuff tangled in her hair and Phoebe attached to her back and Daisy on her tail.

            Even though Alice was the first one to know about both his sexuality and relationship, back in the early days, he wasn’t sure his cousin wasn’t _so_ aware of everything, so he only smiled at Louis like he could put stars in the sky – and sometimes Harry really believed he could – and waited till it was only them and their families.

            Doris and Ernest were fast asleep, the first in Anne’s arms and the second on Jay’s. Fizzy was struggling to stay awake watching something with Gemma while the older twins started yawning and tugging on Harry’s shirt.

            “Guess it’s time to leave, Dan” Jay stated when he came inside with Robin, who had lead Dan to the garage to show him the new car he had bought.

            “Yeah, let’s get going…”

            “What?” Anne asked, “no way, you’re staying.” They didn’t have enough room, but knowing his mother she’d spread mattresses all over the house for everyone.

            “Darling, we only came to celebrate your birthday, not to bother anyone…”

            “Yeah, there’s a hotel nearby, I checked and they have rooms… It’s no trouble”, Dan continued Jay’s sentence.

            “But I want to sleep with Gemma”, Fizzy complained. “She’s gonna do my nails”, she said following with a yawn.

            “Hon, if I do your nails today you’ll sleep on them and mess everything up”, Gemma stated kindly.

            “Mom! Louis will stay”, Félicité crossed her arms and made a face, Jay only looked at her and she unmade it.

            “C’mon, you guys drove a few hours to come, I’m sure we can make room for everybody”, Robin tried and pondered.

            After a five minute discussion, they decided to stay and leave in the morning after breakfast. That being said, Harry let Jay and Dan have his room with Ernest and Doris, since his bed was big enough for the couple and the two toddlers (even if the logistics were a bit weird) and the three other girls went to Gemma’s bedroom, the twins having the bed and his sister and Fizzy on the floor. Harry said goodnight to his mom and Robin and assured them that him and Louis would be fine on the couch… They were.

            “How come you never got your mom another house?” Louis asked as he pressed Harry against the sofa to fit by his side.

            “She never wanted one. She always made really clear her thoughts on moving out of here, which were: _never_ ”, he laughed lazily, the entire day finally catching up to him.

            “You lot are definitely the most sentimental family I know”, the older boy smiled, kissing Harry’s cheek.

            “You’re one to talk”, Harry replied half asleep.

            It was nice to have these moments of peace and it had been almost a week of them, which was _heaven on earth_ , knowing the weeks they’d have ahead. Louis always slept better once he could match his breath with Harry’s heartbeat, so he waited until his boyfriend had drifted into nothingness to finally close his eyes, thanking whatever gods may be out there for his life.

            The next morning was chaotic and Louis almost felt like seventeen again, ready to go to school with everyone yelling over the breakfast table. It was nice, though, way better than he remembered. Before they left, once Fizzy had her nails painted and everybody said their goodbyes, Louis and Harry exchanged one of their “ _this is so going to be our lives forever”_ look and kissed quickly, before Louis left the house with the rest of the family. A comfortable silence fell into the house after that, while he helped his mother clean everything and Robin left for work. Gemma had her stuff to do and Harry was glad to finally have some hours alone with Anne.

            He was happy he could extend his days with his mom and visiting old friends. He also enjoyed some time with his father, whom he rarely saw those days and passed by the bakery he used to work – pretty routine-y of him, really. He went over to Alice’s one more time to catch up on the gossips about their old group from school and play some videogame, and then he was off to London on Friday, having a meeting with James Corden, which meant: work’s about to start again. Not that _James_ was work, he was a friend, and he got to hangout with other friends too while Louis was off to Madrid with Stan to watch the Rovers’ match, but as soon as he got papped filming the _Night Changes_ video, he knew that vacation time was over and he was going back to the spotlights.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evertyhing's fine... And then Modest! interferes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it goes, chapter 2. Hope it's okay (:

**II**

            If Louis thought those free days were a blessing, he was starting to live a real hell that week. The rehearsals for promo week and the “interview season” had started and with them the whole _game face_ started as well. “Don’t cling to Harry, you might get filmed by fans”, “Harry, stop staring at Louis”, “Guys, the vocals need to be stronger”, “Zayn, could you not smoke during twenty four hours?”… As if they didn’t know the drill.

            Come October 31st and he was already tired and wanting vacations _again_ , but all the same he was excited about getting the music out there after so much work, and being around the lads was always a plus. His days on the X Factor – alone and with Niall – had been amazing and he really loved that place, but there was some buzz going on  that he hadn’t caught yet and he knew was about him… He meant to check it later anyways.

            The day after Halloween he got a call from Management letting him know that Eleanor would make an appearance on the pre-recording for the X Factor (probably to silent any new _gay stuff_ that might have appeared, it was always like this anyway, so he didn’t mind much to find out what _it_ _was_ this time). He wasn’t happy about it, since she’d have to interact with Harry and they had some boundaries after all, but there was not much that could be done, so he just hummed in agreement while Anthony made _sure_ that Louis _knew_ he was going to enter the studios holding hands with her – even if he was over the phone, he rolled his eyes at his manager.

            “Hey, mate, how you doing?” Liam approached him in the morning with a kind smile on his face. “Hi, El”, he acknowledged her presence a second later.

            “Hi, Li. How’s Sophia?” She asked, ‘cause yes, they were friends. Louis suspected that she even went to Liam’s private parties sometimes, but Payne would always say “ _of course not, I understand the limits to this friendship or whatever_ ”.

            “She’s good, we’re going to Thorpe Park tomorrow… It’s supposed to be a fun date. Wanna join?” Louis only looked at him trying to say “ _really?”_ and Liam apologized by shrugging and smiling down at Eleanor again. Maybe a year or two ago Louis would’ve said “yes”, only to be papped with her. Now he only did what was asked and nothing more and he had a feeling that she was okay with it.

            Since it was _lie day_ , Harry kept his distance, making conversation with the X Factor crew – he’d always talk and shake everybody’s hands anyway, since the cameramen to the person who’d give them food. It wasn’t that he got _mad_ at Louis – only on few occasions –, it was more like “I don’t want to see _my_ boyfriend pretending to date someone else” kind of thing and nobody could really blame him. God knew how Louis got every fucking time he had to deal with Harry’s “reputation” in front of the cameras or _worse:_ the Taylor incident (that’s how they called).

            Among the five of them, Niall and Louis were probably the ones who missed the X Factor days the most. Liam and Harry were okay with it and Zayn was glad it was over and now they’d only make special appearances. “God forbid having to compete on something like that ever again”, Zayn would say on every occasion they’d step on that stage after leaving in 2010 – it was nerve-wrecking, Louis had to agree.

            Speaking of Zayn, he was in a mood that day. His usual morning-biggest-hater face was off the scale and Louis intended to ask later what was happening, even though he had an idea he wasn’t fond of thinking about. Anyway, his focus was, unfortunately, on Eleanor that day, so that’s how it went: they sang, they ate, they sang some more and she hugged him when they left the studios before everyone else, just to appear they were going back to his house or something – well, they _were_ , but only for Eleanor to study in the guest bedroom while Louis waited till it was late enough for her to go back to her hotel without being photographed. He called Harry then, just to let him know he could come over. He needed Harry to come – oh, the irony.

            He heard the bedroom door open and by the look on Harry’s face, he knew what was coming. Harry felt very, very territorial, so of course, after a whole day of Eleanor, he’d get a whole night of Harry and he was completely fine with that.

            “You’re mine”, he said, before climbing into bed and taking his shirt off in the process. Who was Louis to complain? They had some interviews coming up and he just _knew_ that Harry would leave him with a few bruises hoping for the high definition cameras to pick up on. That was how it worked.

            “So yours”, Louis replied before pulling him down on a harsh kiss. For a while he let Harry manhandle him, but as the minutes went by, Louis got impatient and his cock was so hard it was almost painful, so he tugged on Harry’s hair giving him a sign that said _please, love, please speed up the process._

            Harry shoved him onto the king size bed, just because he could, because he was bigger and could throw Louis around like that, scratching on Louis’ legs that never failed to mesmerize Harry – Louis’ thighs were more defined than he could ever hope for and for Harry, there was nothing about his boyfriend that wasn’t _hot as fuck_ and sometimes it still stroke him how the hell he got to be in bed with Louis Tomlinson.

            Louis surged to his lips in seconds, wrapping his arms around Harry’s shoulder to keep him close enough… Harry was all over the place. He’d get like that when he kind of lost his mind. He tugged and nipped at Louis’ lips, meeting his tongue halfway and sucking on it, swallowing all kinds of moans Louis was emanating at that moment. Harry’s hands flit ceaselessly over Louis’ sides and stomach, so, so out of it.

            “You look so gone for me, baby. Green glassy eyes, cheeks so pink. You always look so _fucking good_ , Harry- oh fuck”, at that, Harry bit one of his nipples and sucked really hard. He was _beyond_ gone for it and in his opinion, they were both still wearing a lot of clothes.            Harry shook his head tightening his grip on Louis’ hips fiercely, like he wanted to glue the boy to the mattress in order to never lose him – _if only he could_.

            Harry dropped his hands from Louis’ shoulders to his hips again, then further. It was delightful the fact that his arms were long enough to reach Louis’ thighs, so he did it, and then the slid his thumbs up Louis’ legs to finally, _finally_ remove those damn pants while kissing and sucking bruises on Louis’ hipbones, he loved him, he loved him _so much, too much_ at times.

            Louis made a disgruntled little noise and lifted himself up on his elbows, making Harry’s breath hitch when he saw his face – the thing about Harry was that he would never feel more connected to someone than when he was looking into their eyes, _especially_ Louis’. Since blue met green a few years ago, his life was never the same.

            “Hazz” Louis whined unbuttoning his boyfriend’s ridiculously tight jeans, but by now he was used to it and the task of freeing Harry’s cock was an easy job – never less pleasant, though. And Harry was already turned on from the moment he entered the door, but his dick hardened to a whole new level and he got on fours over Louis, just staring for a moment. “Hazz, _please”_ , Louis said again before Harry slid down his body until he was between his legs and not over them, he stared some more like he was having a religious experience. He squeezed Louis and Louis sort of collapsed on the bed, his elbows not being able to hold him up, they were both breathing so hard that when Harry bit Louis’ earlobe and rubbed their cocks together, it was like there was a thunderstorm inside the bedroom.

            “You know what I love about all this?” Harry started asking, kissing Louis jaw and getting a grip of both of their dicks with one hand. Louis barely emitted a sound, only acknowledging he had heard. “You hold her hand on the street”, he started, masturbating both of them at the same time and licking Louis’ neck, “you take pictures with her that are on the magazines”, he said then, lowering himself, voice so, so deep and letting go of their cocks; Louis heard the lube bottle opening… “But it’s my- name”, Harry said, voice cut so turned on he was, getting in between Louis’ legs again, “you moan”, he continued, kissing the tip of Louis’ dick… “Over- and over”, he sucked on the head of Louis cock and Louis yelled, not containing himself, “again”, and then he felt two of Harry’s fingers entering him, with no warning whatsoever.

            “ _Fuck, H, fuck fuck fuck”_ there was nothing else to be said. Harry’s long fingers fucked in and out of him and Louis’ whole body was trembling with anticipation. He pulled Harry’s hair as strong as he could, making the boy groan loudly on his stomach, and Louis knew Harry was starting to lose control over his hands after the inserted a third finger, so he tried and say he was ready by grinding down on Harry’s hand.

            “On fours, now”, Harry said louder than it was needed and Louis complied, still being able to make his limbs obey him.

            Harry’s hands closed on Louis hips tightening the grip on both sides and he slid easily inside his boy, who let out a magnificent moan chanting his name.

            “She doesn’t matter”, Louis managed to say once Harry started moving. “Nothing matters but you” and at that, one of Harry’s hands tugged on Louis’ messy and sweaty hair and he leaned forward to kiss him, it was wet and with no technique, but it was _theirs_ and Harry never stopped the pace of his thrusts and “ _there_ ”, Louis yelled once Harry hit his prostate. “There there there there don’t stop Hazz, don’t- oh ffffffuck, I’m…” he tried to hold his cock but Harry was faster and pulled his hand away, holding them on his back, making Louis’ face the pillow, being held by his knees and his head now. Harry was _literally_ fucking that boy into the mattress and it was the best view he had ever seen.

            “Now come untouched for me, love”, Harry said, fastening the pace like _that_ was humanly possible. But then again, it wasn’t the first time Louis doubted he was even real. “C’mon, Lou”, Louis used all of his remaining strength to push back and meet Harry’s thrusts but he was so worn out that it was hard for the brain to give orders to his body.

            In a matter of seconds, though, Harry made Louis get flat on his back again and put this legs on his shoulders, never stopping. Louis’ head was pounding and he was so overwhelmed by everything that he couldn’t even open his eyes.

            _“Harry, Harry, Hazz, I-fuck, Harryyyyyyyyyy”_ he came loudly and it only took a few more thrusts for Harry to collapse by his side.

            “Fuck”, Harry said falling by his side.

            “Shower?” Louis asked, voice completely wrecked.

            “Later”, the younger boy replied, not being able to move at all. Louis got up and put on some pants, laughing when Harry made an unhappy noise (he was all for nakedness), and got a towel to clean the come off Harry’s stomach and neck, not surprised but not quite knowing how it went up there. It was like a drill for them at this point and he smiled as big and brightly as he could when Harry closed his eyes at the warm touch.

           

            As much as they wanted to, Harry couldn’t stay over since he was leaving for Paris the next day and Louis had X Factor _again_ with Niall. They only saw each other briefly in Germany for a TV performance and then they were back to London, separately, of course. But it was okay, cause the next day the _Four Hangout_ was happening.

 

            Well… _Okay_ might have been the wrong word to describe it.

            “They’re letting us sit together, _that_ is a miracle”, he heard Harry speak bitterly with Louise when she got started on his hair.

            “Only to sing, though”, Ben responded, filling Liam in with some paperwork but still paying attention to other people’s conversation.

            He liked Ben. Well, they all did. He was a great director and not so bad at making small talk, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t impersonate the devil if he needed to, and Louis had a feeling that he would.

            After recording acoustic versions of Steal My Girl and Night Changes and some technical problems with Google, they were finally on air for the live stream. It was weird because it had been ages since they’d done one and weirder because none of them was comfortable after the brief meeting they had with some people from management before they went live.

            Louis was worried about the repercussion of his papped photos online, Niall seemed pissed, Harry had caught a cold in Paris and wasn’t feeling well since the day before, Zayn had still this weird vibe going on and Liam seemed on the verge of throwing up every time someone told him to do something. Liam loathed lies, more than anyone else –  well, him and Harry hated it more than anyone else – and even though he didn’t like to omit stuff either, it was better than actually answer something other than the absolute truth… And that what he was asked that day.

            So, the entire _hangout_ went like this: Liam threw a murderous look at Ben whenever he could (and so did Louis, for what it’s worth), Harry couldn’t stop sneezing and making inside jokes with Niall and Zayn seemed to have a hard time to concentrate on whatever he was supposed to answer – that might have something to do with the joint him and Louis had shared in secret a few minutes before going inside the studio. After forty minutes of complete awkwardness and rehearsed answers, they were done for the day.

 

            It was Monday and Louis was about to leave the Modest! office when he decided to take a look at his phone. He did that every time actually – whenever they renewed a contract, whenever he had to sign his life off again for another year, he’d open his twitter, scroll down his timeline and see how supportive the fans were still being, just to remind himself that a lot of the crap he put up with was worth it. All along, it was all worth it. But… No.

            “ _Not again_ ” was his first thought once he read his newest and most ridiculous statement of all times. He didn’t even blink when he turned on his heel and burst into Jennifer’s room, barely acknowledging that Liam was still there. Harry and Niall had gone and signed their contracts earlier, because God forbid him and Louis being seen going to _work_ together. Zayn had left a minute before him.

             “What the actual fuck is wrong with you people?” was the first thing that came out of his mouth as soon as he spotted the blonde lady in the corner. “ _In fact straight_? Seriously? Oh MY GOD. How many times am I gonna have to repeat until you fucking understand you do NOT have the right to control my twitter account? Wasn’t I clear enough last time?” He knew he was yelling and it wasn’t the first time. A couple of years ago, in this very same sickening room, he was having the same argument.

            “Louis, you’re being overdramatic, it was damage control, they were talking about…” Jennifer tried to start. There was no reasoning, not this time.

            “A FUCKING SHIRT. THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT A FUCKING SHIRT.” His arms were wide open and he was pretty sure he had already broken a fancy vase in less than thirty seconds.

            “You’re not deleting it.” Anthony, who was across from Liam on the table interjected.

            “Like hell I’m not”, he laughed bitterly.

            “You’re not”, Anthony continued, “you’re not because your boyfriend is being gay enough for the two of you and we are really trying to do a job here, so grow the hell up and”, as soon as Louis heard the word _boyfriend_ , though, he disconnected from everything else. He could have screamed a little more had he paid attention to the “being gay enough” part, but now… Harry. Harry was all he could think about and he just needed to reach him before he saw those disgusting tweets.

            Liam was already up when he left the room again and by his side when he got to the car. Antony and Jennifer were with him and had the parking-lot not been empty that would’ve made quite a scene.

            “Lou, talk to me, what was that about?” Liam’s tone was worried and he even tried to comfort Louis putting an arm on his back, but everything was just so confusing that Louis got away quickly, trying to get into the car.

            “What do you think, Liam? Open your fucking twitter and you’ll know.” He breathed angrily, not even looking at the boy, struggling with his pocket to find the key.

            “Where do you think you’re going, Tomlinson?” Jennifer asked.

            “Home”, he replied drily not even bothering to look at her. Louis wasn’t a violent person and would never, not in a million years think about disrespecting a woman, but at the moment he was afraid he would hit her if he had to look into her eyes.

            “Home as in Doncaster?” She tried again.

            “Home as in _Harry_ ”, finally, the damn key. He opened the car and Liam was being pushed so Anthony was by the window.

            “You’re not going there, Harry’s not even supposed to be in _London_ anymore, don’t be stupid to risk everything, Louis” his tone was warning and he seemed like he was going to speak again, but Liam intervened.

            “I’ll go with him. It’s fine, Lou, let’s go”, he was already on the other side of the car. Louis breathed and shook his head.

            In less than five minutes they were accelerating on the highway, windows down, not a single word exchanged. At last, Louis parked on an empty side road and punched the wheel until his knuckles were hurting. Liam had his phone on his hands and stared blankly at the screen.

            “What are the fans saying?”

            “Lou.”

            “What are they saying, Liam?” He looked at his friend. “Are they laughing already and posting pictures of how _not straight_ I am?”

            “Louis”, Liam tried again. “It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.”

            “Nobody? I can think of two evil names and a bunch of other hypocrites, but hey, that’s just me.”

            “You know what I mean.”

            “They’re gonna be so upset, Liam. _He’s_ gonna be _so_ upset. Like, it’s not even directed at us, but you know how this gets to him more than anyone else, it almost broke us off a thousand times and…”

            “Almost” Liam touched his arm, “there’s the key word. It _almost_ broke you off a thousand times, but never did”.

            “This is fucking ridiculous” he took his phone and opened again. _Fucking ridiculous I even have to tweet that shit_ , he tweeted.

            “It is. I’m sorry.” Liam shrugged his shoulders and tried a small smile. He knew how much Louis was focusing on other people’s pain not to feel his own. “D’you need me to drive?”

            “No, I’m ok.”

            “Drop me off at my place, ok? I’m not actually going with you to Harry’s, I just said that so they’d let you go already.”

            “Thanks, Li.” Was all he said and then again when he left Liam at his own place. In a couple of days they’d be in the US again for the CD release and all Louis could think of at the moment was how much he wanted to spend at least a week curled up with Harry in bed. Fuck. Just… Fuck.

            He and Harry had this flat fifteen minutes out of town that few people knew about. It wasn’t huge, but not calling attention was the whole point. If they needed a big space, they had their own separate millionaire-like mansions – management orders (and it did come in hand, since Eleanor had to go there a few times; _this flat is off limits_ , Harry warned the first time they stepped into it).

            He opened the door carefully knowing that if Harry hadn’t read that shit already he was probably asleep. Louis left his key and wallet on the kitchen counter to get some water before climbing the stairs. Calming down was not an option, but he needed to try, he could feel his hands shaking when he got into the room.

            “Hazza” he called, nothing but a whisper. Harry had his laptop opened on the bed but wasn’t even looking at it anymore. He had no expression at all on his pale and so perfect face.

            “I was just looking at Victoria’s Secret’s calendar, trying to figure out who my next girlfriend’s gonna be. I mean, that’s the next move, right?” the worst joke ever came out of his mouth and all Louis wanted was a _knock knock_ one just to lighten up the mood.

            “Hazz” he tried again, walking up to him.

            “Because of course Eleanor in our lives for three years isn’t enough. Neither is my whore image. Maybe _I_ should tweet I am oh-so-straight and maybe out of the blue everybody will be convinced as well”, there it was - that laugh that Louis hated. That “I’m not angry just really hurt” laugh that he had to listen to whenever management pulled one of their filthy tricks on them.

            Not knowing what to say, he hugged Harry. The position was ridiculous since he was still standing and there was a computer between them, but he didn’t mind.

            “I’m so sorry”, Louis half spoke into his curls while stroking his back, “so sorry, babe, I- I just” and he choked up. Because of fucking course he would start crying when he should be comforting his boy.

            Three even breaths and he tried again, pulling away and putting Harry’s computer aside. They held their gazes for a brief moment before Louis found his voice.

            “I was just leaving the office when I saw it. It was quite a scene.”

            “How long, Louis?” Harry asked in a more serious tone. Truly, deeply hurt. “How long until we’re not _us_ anymore?”

            “Hey! Shut it”, he held his hands, “we’re not going there”.

            “But we _are_ there. We are _so there_.” And Harry looked so destroyed that Louis himself found almost funny – if it weren’t so tragic – that even in pain they could mirror each other absentmindedly.

            “This is bullshit.”

            “Oh, I know, the biggest load of bullshit you’ve ever heard.”

            “Harold”, he squeezed his hand as strong as his weakened body could at the moment. “Don’t do that. Please.”

            Harry didn’t answer or looked at him. Louis kept holding him, ignoring his phone vibrating for what it felt like forever in his pocket. He didn’t wanna talk to a single soul that wasn’t the boy across from him.

            “I’m just… Tired. That’s all”, Harry said at last, connecting their foreheads. “Can we just turn off for a bit?”

            And Louis knew what that meant. They’d do that in times of crises – silent their phones and minds, lay down and pretend they weren’t caught up in this hurricane called media. They’d lay side by side just holding hands, until their breaths were even and everything was _kind of_ forgotten, until they were themselves again, strong enough to put the armor up and fight another battle.

            “Yeah. Let’s turn off a bit”, Louis answered with a half smile, taking off his shoes and getting comfortable in Harry’s arms. At least he was _home_ , he thought.

 

            They didn’t mean to fall asleep, but it was inevitable. At five pm, Louis heard his phone buzzing loudly on the wood side table and cursed in his mind, looking at the screen. Harry’s body was relaxed and he only twisted a bit when Louis left the bed – only them and God knew how difficult it was to sleep apart, so every second counted.

            “Hi, mom” he didn’t mean to sound this worn out, but he had just woken up.

            “Finally” she laughed. “How are you, love?”

            “I’m good. Yeah.”

            “You sure?” _No, I’m not._

“Positive” he tried to smile even though she wasn’t gonna see. “How are the girls?” He asked while fetching himself some tea.

            “Complaining, of course, ‘how come Lottie is the only one going to America?’ seems to be the only thing they ask”. Lottie was the older one, therefore it was easier for him to keep close, since she’d be able to accompany him on tour and events, especially now that she was trying to find her way in the fashion world. Louise was a good company for her too. He got to see his sister, feel close to home while helping her build a future. It was a win win.

            “I told you guys to come to the CD release party. They’d love the park and you guys have never been to Orlando, can only imagine Phoebe and Daisy there” he genuinely smiled at the thought.

            “They have school, love.” She sounded apologetic.

            “A week wouldn’t make them fail. God knows I’ve missed much more than that.” Louis wasn’t big in the school stuff. Never was. Thank God for One Direction.

            “And look how great your A Levels went.”

            “At least at the weekend” he tried. “I’ve missed you. You could stay at Harry’s place in LA the rest of the week. Tell me if you decide.”

            “Okay, we’ll see, okay?”

            “Okay.” Louis smiled knowing the battle was already won and he felt Harry approaching, arms on his waist, chin on his shoulders. “Hi, love.”

            “Say ‘hi’ to Harry for me.” His mother said, knowing that the greeting wasn’t for her.

            “I will. I’m gonna go, mom. Talk later, yeah?”

            She laughed. Long ago she’d learned that Louis and Harry time was the most valuable thing, no one should dare to interrupt. Long ago she’d also learned that Louis wasn’t only hers anymore, and Jay was completely fine with that.

            “Yeah. Call your sisters on skype, they miss you.”

            “Miss you all as well. Bye, mom. Love you.”

            “Love you too.”

            And he did. He loved her so much. And his girls, all of his girls. And his little brother. He loved them all. He remembered that very much, each day. He loved a lot of people. But Harry the most.

            “Mum says hi”, he smiled, turning around. It was instinctive for him to put his arms around Harry’s neck, so he did.

            “I miss her. And my mom as well. We should totally go on a vacation together.” Harry rubbed his hands on his waist, under the shirt. So hot and soft and Louis. He could never quite believe his luck whenever he touched that boy. Well, man. Louis was a man and a great one of that.

            “Like that would be possible in the near future.” He smirked.

            “It has been done.” Harry replied. It hadn’t been that long since they saw their mothers – even together –, but the things was: when you spend so much time hiding and pretending, being yourself when you get the chance is never enough, so of course they missed this. They missed it a lot.

            “I do miss the old days” Louis voice went soft and he got on his tiptoes to kiss Harry, who leaned in to meet him half way.

            Louis kinda missed when he was the bigger one. He could hug and cuddle Harry properly. He could take care of the curly sixteen year old kid he fell in love with within the X Factor months. Louis laughed into the kiss and stopped for a bit, just feeling Harry’s breath with their foreheads connected.

            “I love you” Harry whispered, “like, a lot”.

            “Me too. I mean, who wouldn’t love me? – Auch”, he complained when Harry pinched him. “I love you too. A lot.” He pressed one hand in Harry’s neck and pulled him to another kiss.

            There was nothing easier than this. Nothing was more familiar than their bodies together, away from the world – they were the only ones who knew all of each other’s _secrets, scars, feelings_. It was a scary thing if you stop and think about it.

            At the beginning, Louis couldn’t cope with it. The way Harry looked at him, like he was the eighth wonder of the world, was one of the most difficult parts; when they got codependent, right into the first weeks of knowing each other, he started to question every move he made, every move Harry made. _“How come someone conquered my life like that in such short amount of time?”_ he’d thought. It wasn’t something he was used to, this kind of love: unconditional, not fraternal. He never trusted he would get it and till this day he had trouble believing he did. And it was from Harry. A _boy_.

            That was another part that was difficult for him. When he met Harry, who was practically a kid, he was already out and about, completely fine with being gay and letting everyone know. For Louis it was different. He struggled his whole adolescence with his sexuality and tried the straight thing for a while, even when he knew it wasn’t gonna happen for him. He dated a few girls here and there and at eighteen he had given up – but wasn’t ready to fall for another guy. (Well, he wasn’t ready to become one of the most famous people on the planet either, so the only certainty was the fact that life didn’t wait for anybody.) But then he met Harry and it just kind of happened. The rest is history.

            They kissed again, lazily. Everything Harry did was so slow. He dragged his tongue to talk, to kiss, to eat a damn ice cream.

            “What are you thinking?” Harry finally gave in, knowing that they wouldn’t go anywhere or _get_ anything before Louis talked. Which was hard, because his boyfriend wasn’t one to admit feelings.

            “Nothing, really. Was just thinking about how we got started.”

            “The band?”

            “No. Us”, he shrugged, “tea?” Louis turned to get the mugs.

            “Thanks”, Harry offered a smile. “Are you calmer?” He asked worried, walking to the TV room.

            “Are you?” Louis followed, sitting by his side on the rug and turned the TV on with the volume down. Some rerun of Friends was passing and he was sure that that was the fiftieth time they were watching it.

            “No?” he laughed, “I mean, that was _low_ , boo.” Those puppy eyes would be the death of him. He just put his head between Harry’s shoulders and neck, tangling their ankles. Well, tangling his ankles on Harry’s leg. Again, the size difference.  “A-ny-way, Paul called, we’re going to America right after we record the BandAid charity single”.

            He didn’t answer for a while and then:

            “Great, ain’t it?” The irony was almost palpable. That was Louis’ way to deal with the fact that for the past two and a half years he would contain himself every time the cameras were pointed at them, which happened frequently. “Well, at least I think I convinced mom to tag along with everyone…”

            “You should call in, see if Elea-she’s gonna come.” Harry avoided saying her name. Well, he avoided her. Period.

            “No way, love. After what they did today they know better than make me go on a photo op before December with her.” And he meant it.

            Eleanor was a sweet girl. They managed to be friends at the beginning, when they thought the farce would last a year, tops. They’d chat away and he’d try to seem interested in her life, her college stories and how her day was going; he’d even manage to speak a little about himself – superficially, of course.

            But throughout the years they ran out of small talks. Eventually, he ran out of patience. So now he didn’t even put on an effort and she was getting totally pissed off, and although he knew he was being an ass most of the time, he couldn’t care less for her or the paparazzi pictures. Thankfully she got along well with his family, who adopted her as one of the sisters, so when they were “home together” he could leave her playing with the girls while he talked to his mom and vice versa.

            He had signed the last contract that morning. Six more months and then they were free. Him and her. That was it. He was so done.

            The next day they acted like nothing had happened, just sacked one more up and started the day. Des was in London so Harry would spend the day with him and Gemma while Louis would wait at the flat to a decent hour before going to his house.

 

            When Harry arrived at the _Royal Variety Show_ with two new tattoos Louis couldn’t believe. He himself knew how addicting those things could be, but Harry wouldn’t stop surprising him. “How are you going to justify the mermaid, mate?”, Niall asked when Lou joked about the new theories that would come their way, saying that Louis should totally get a triton. “I’m a mermaid”, Styles replied laughing and throwing his hair back… He was stunning and Louis caught his breath and looked away not to kiss him in front of people who weren’t inside the small circle of the crew that knew about them.       

 

            The flight to the US was due to Saturday night and he didn’t actually have time to go home and pack, since he was at _their_ flat (well, he did, but postponed it and, as always, was short on time now), so he threw a bunch of Harry’s jumpers and shirts in a bag and smirked to himself knowing how people would go crazy over this for the next few days. Oh well.

            “Morning, love” Harry smiled from the bed and Louis felt his features softening involuntarily. “What time is it?” Almost five years later and he had never heard anything more beautiful than this boy’s voice in the morning.

            “Seven. Ish. I’ll get to Heathrow first and then you go…” he said, leaning on the bed for a good morning peck and was pulled by Harry’s giant arms. He laid on top of him, limbs kind of numb, being so early and all that. “Babe, no time”, he warned as he felt Harry drag his mouth to his neck.

            “Shower then?” He whispered. That fucking morning voice.

            “Shower it is.”

            Even though Louis had to be out of the flat in thirty minutes, they both got “see you later” blowjobs to relieve the tension.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They don't wanna get lost in the dark of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kinda messy?, but I sometimes have problems organizing my thoughts, especially because everything happens so damn fast in this band and 80% of the time I have no idea of what's going on.
> 
> Hope you like it though (:

The round of interviews in London had been hell, but they were used to it by now. “Better hug the Devil”, Niall would say and they even managed to have some fun with it. Truth be told, not every journalist was an ass – some of the interviewers seemed genuinely interested in their music and in them, so they tried a few games and funny questions to lighten the mood. But America was different.

            _The Today Show_ was a big deal and by now they knew it. Back in 2011, when they first got to the US, they had only heard of the show through their team, so ten thousand people on the streets of New York, in that freezing morning, were the biggest surprise at that point in their careers. Now, though, they were perfectly aware of the importance of the show, how many people watched it, how highly profiled it was. Especially now that they were in Orlando.

 

            Zayn  was feeling really bad and had flown in overnight and met them at the hotel, but it didn’t mean he was feeling good to perform at ass o’clock in the morning, so he would skip the release party hoping to recover until the _next_ day, when they’d record the TV special.  Louis wasn’t one to wake up early, he loathed it, his mood would go down in a heartbeat whenever he was up before noon. It was eight am and he was up for four hours now.

            “I still can’t believe there were that many people there to watch us”, Liam commented while they were changing outfits to be live in less than an hour.

            “It never stops amazing me… I mean, it was five o’clock in the morning”, Niall agreed. It was true. They went in the park for a soundcheck that morning and it was already crowded.

            “There’s a lot more people now, boys. You gotta up your game at the performance.” Paul warned. “We leave in fifteen minutes”, he said, and left the room.

            “Hey, you ok?” Harry approached Louis as soon as Lou finished his hair. He nodded. “Sure?” Not really.

            The four of them would have to split Zayn’s parts in some songs. And Louis was way passed the phase in which he was nervous about his voice, but he wasn’t quite comfortable assuming one of Malik’s high notes, if there were one thing they all agreed on a hundred percent was that that boy’s voice was _insane_.

            “Just don’t let the nerves get in the way, mate.” Niall said, tripping on his trousers trying to put them on.

            “Remember that one time I had to sing one of his high notes? I lived. You will too.” Liam tried to help and got slapped by Louise, who was trying to arrange his quiff.

            “Will  I?”, Louis laughed, but he was already feeling better. Nobody made him feel like those guys, except for his mother, of course.

            Harry hugged him for a while though, petting his hair while they were in their own little world, talking about the new sofa they had chosen for the flat and whether they should change or not the curtains in the living room to match the new cushions.

            A few minutes later Paul was in the room again, with two of their security guards. They needed to go. It was quite an arrival. A boat was expecting them once the car stopped, and it was nice to get to the stage this way. Louis tried his best to talk to Liam through the way only to take his eyes off the damn bun Harry was making so the wind didn’t mess up his hair. It was hard not staring, sometimes (most of the time if he was being honest). C’mon, who in their right mind wouldn’t spend every minute of every day looking at the beauty that Harry Styles was? Some crazy people, he was sure. But definitely not him.

            “Look at this”, Niall said as soon as they stopped. Harry offered him a smile and turned to the fans. They grabbed their microphones and walked towards the interviewer, who had a smile on his face and seemed nice enough to Louis try and be polite. Well, that was until the “where’s Zayn?” question. Mind, they were all great friends, but Zayn and Louis were best friends and therefore Louis felt particularly offended when the guy insinuated Zayn wasn’t ill at all, that his problem was related to drug abuse.

            And of course, it was news to no one that they enjoyed a joint here and there, but _drug abuse_? Seriously? Liam was the one to answer fast. Niall laughed into the mic and Louis looked straight on Harry’s eyes, “listen to the fans, babe” they were telling him. And he did. They were “boos” everywhere and Louis lowered his head, smiling only for himself.

            It was easier than he thought, perform without Zayn, but they still missed him. Once you’re used to having four people with you on stage, when you have three it just seems like there’s an empty spot there, waiting to be filled. Like Liam had said earlier, they weren’t _One Direction_ without Zayn, and they were glad when the performance ended and they could head back to the hotel, where they’d meet family and friends and no one would insinuate their friend needed to go to rehab.

            “Pretty ridiculous, if you ask me”, Louis commented with Liam and Sophia when they headed for lunch.

            “Don’t tell me it never crossed your minds”, Sophia replied and Louis only looked at her. “He’s skin and bones, guys. Always late, and his _eyes_ ”, she shrugged. “I got worried, even commented with Liam the other day…”

            “Well, I’m pretty thin and you don’t think I’m on drugs.” Louis vouched.

            “That’s because I know you’re kind of obsessed with your weight and Harry would murder you if you were doing any heavy drugs”, she smiled.

            “Oh, Soph, you know me too well…” He blinked towards her, pretending a coy smile and Liam burst out laughing on the table, saying that he’d totally be worried if he didn’t know better.

            Louis’ family joined them on the table and so did Liam’s. They’d have a quiet lunch and a free afternoon and night, since the next day would be excruciating with so much work and so would the rest of the week with the AMAs approaching.

            “Where are the twins?” He asked as soon as he saw his mother and Dan toddler-free.

            “Here”, Daisy replied.

            “The _other_ twins”, he rolled his eyes and she showed her tongue, earning a warning look from Dan.

            “Upstairs with Harry” Jay replied before engaging a conversation with Liam and his mom about the next days and how excited she was for going to LA. Meanwhile Sophia distracted the older twins and Louis engaged on a talk with Fizzy, wanting to know everything about school and life back in Doncaster. After himself and Lottie, who wasn’t there, Félicité was the older one, and only now he was realizing how grown she was.         

            Skipping dessert, he excused himself from the table taking her with him to continue talking; Liam’s father and Dan also said they were going out cause Niall had invited him to do something sport-related, Louis didn’t really stick around to find out, getting himself into the elevator with his sister.

            “I reckon you’re on your dating phase”, he said.

            “Are you trying to give me the talk? Because please, don’t, Louis, it’s disgusting. Plus, Eleanor already did it long before you.”

            Sometimes Louis could almost forget about Eleanor and her relation with pretty much everyone in his life, but it was never enough since there was always someone to remind him. It was worse when it was his sister.

            “Eleanor?”

            “She sometimes visits, you know.”

            “Yeah, I’m aware. Anyway, no, I wasn’t going to give you _the_ talk, was just gonna ask if you were seeing someone”, he shrugged. “Your room or mine?” He asked stepping into the corridor.

            “Mine, Harry was trying to put Ernest to sleep…” She trailed, opening the door.

            “You ok with this, right? Me and Harry?” Louis asked his younger sister. He asked because he could. He asked because if this whole situation was confusing to him, he could only imagine what it was like for his younger siblings. Specially her, Daisy and Phoebe – they were too young when everything, including the lies, started.

            “Of course I am, you twat. Harry’s the least of my problems”, he mouthed “ _language”_ to her and she rolled her eyes. Like he was one to talk.

            “And what’s the biggest of your problems my dear fourteen year old sister who has a millionaire for a brother and buys all the things girls your age want?” He fell onto her bed hugging a pillow; he could really sleep right now, considering how early he had woken up.

            “Every guy I so much look at turns out to be a jerk once it’s acknowledged my brother’s in the most famous boyband in the planet”, she was by his side, caressing his hair. Years ago, he’d tuck her into bed doing the same.

             “I thought it’d gain you many friends”, he said confusedly.

            “Girl friends, yeah, I get plenty of that. The guys just… Say bad things.”

            “I’m sorry, boo”, he lifted his eyes to her. Meeting those blue balls was like looking into a mirror.         

            “Don’t be. They’re just jerks. And I’m so, _so_ proud of you. And so is everybody, even if you doubt it like I know you do.” Félicité reassured him, still making a mess of his hair. His mind was already drifting but he was still able to talk.

            “I think you’re too young for us to have this conversation, Fizz. And I’m too tired.”

            “And I think you don’t give me enough credit. I mean, I _am_ a teenager and I hide the teen-world’s most desired secret. And so do the ten year-olds”, she said trying to make him laugh, but it only made him feel guilty, really, because, that was the point: they shouldn’t. If hiding only affected him and  Harry, it would be hard, but they’d deal with it cause they were big boys and they themselves created the whole mess – not that they had any control over their feelings, but, still. What bothered him the most at the moment was the fact that his whole family, most of which were _children_ , had to go day by day supporting something that wasn’t true. He thought Fizzy said something else but couldn’t tell what it was, falling asleep rapidly.

 

-

           

            Harry was being a brat. It didn’t happen often but when it did, it could really change the pace of everything. After recording the Christmas Special on Tuesday, they all headed to Los Angeles but in separate directions for the day. Louis’ family settled in Harry’s LA house while Louis himself was at a hotel because Eleanor was arriving the next day. Harry just couldn’t handle it; he thought that after the twitter thing Modest would give Louis – them – a break. Well, apparently not. So he was being a brat; he knew it, Louis knew it, everybody around him knew it and he couldn’t find it in him to care. Luckily, nobody complained, since it was almost a once in a lifetime event.

            They were recording for Ellen that day and he felt really comfortable around her, so it wasn’t that hard, specially because she gave him the chance to deny sending 1989 flowers to Taylor Swift which, what the fuck? People had to learn to let it go, because although it had happened a long time ago, it still had some power over his and  Louis’ relationship, being constantly thrown at their faces.

            Harry was sitting in the dressing room after the interview waiting for someone to call him to leave the studios.

            “Hi, H”, Lottie entered the room and sat by his side.

            “Hey”, he replied and offered her a small smile.

            “You good?” Harry only nodded and got back to his twitter feed. “H.”

            “Everything’s fine, ‘M just tired, ‘s all.”

            “Hey sis”, Louis entered a second later, “mind if I talk to him for a second?”

            “Yeah, sure” she smiled and got up, giving him a kiss on the cheek, “we’re leaving in ten, Paul asked me to tell you.” Harry smiled at her and she left leaving the door half open as a warning for them not to take too long.

            “Are we gonna talk?” Louis asked hovering over Harry who was still sitting on the couch.

            “Not really” he replied, not looking up.

            “Well, I think we should, cause we have another interview in a couple of hours and the AMAs in two days and you and I know how shitty we perform when we can’t communicate.”

            “Oh, I’m glad you want to talk so as not to interfere on our _performance_ opposed to being worried about the way I’m feeling.”

            “I already know the way you’re feeling”, Louis replied drily making a huge effort not to roll his eyes. “’M not happy either, Harry.”

            “Well, we have that in common, now can we just go? We have another interview to get to” he said getting up and putting the phone in his back pocket.

            Louis stick to Zayn the rest of the day and Harry just kind of isolated himself talking to Lou and Lottie at occasions, and although things got better during the Jimmy Kimmel interview, cause they were put with puppies and children – and Harry melted and couldn’t help himself but give Louis the “we’ll have so many puppies and children” look –, he still didn’t feel like doing anything but acting weird. He just hated it, the whole thing. And he didn’t lie to his sister-in-almost-law: he was pretty tired, but then again, they all were. Promo could kill them faster than a huge tour, he was sure.

 

            Liam was with Sophia, Zayn and Niall were going to _The 1975_ concert and Louis was ought to be out with Eleanor to have dinner, so Harry had essentially two options: stay home with Louis’ family or go out with the boys to be papped far away from his boyfriend; he chose the first.

            Since Dan had to head back to London because of work, Jay was alone with the kids and refused a nanny, so Lottie stayed in to help and while she watched the kids. Harry made dinner with Fizzy’s help, who was as bad as her brother in the kitchen. Louis didn’t call him until pretty late that night saying that he was out on the street. Everybody but Charlotte was asleep and he finished his beer before opening the door. Lottie said she’d give them some privacy and went up to one of the guest rooms.

            “You better?” Louis asked.

            “Great” Harry snorted walking away from him entering the living room. “How was date night?” He then asked as ironically as his voice could possibly get.

            “Harry.”

            “Seriously, Louis, don’t.”

            “Why all of sudden you hate this so much?” Louis asked with his voice one octave up without him even realizing till the sentence was out. He left his wallet and car keys on the rack and crossed his arms, waiting for an answer.

            “All of sudden? Are you fucking serious?” If looks could kill, Louis would be in severe state at that moment. “ _They know better than make me go on a photo op before December with her_ ” Harry quoted Louis sentence from a few weeks ago.

            “Well, they don’t, they’re assholes, what’s new? I didn’t even know she was coming till she was on the plane.” Louis stated.

            “I know that.”

            “So stop acting like this goddammit” He snapped, kind of tired of _not_ fighting.

            “I CAN’T” Styles half yelled and then contained his voice remembering that there were people sleeping right above them. “That’s the problem. D’you think I like acting like a jerk? You of all people in the whole damn world should know how much I hate this kind of attitude so if you could just have some patience…”

            “Patience? Seriously? I’M NOT THE ONE BEING IMPATIENT HERE.”

            “No, just childish.”

            “CHILDISH? Oh, you’re one to talk.”

            “Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to turn on me? Can’t you just, I don’t know, wait and try and understand?”

            “Oh, which part, the part where you act brat-y for something that we both know _cannot_ change for a while or where you pretend you haven’t been out and about with some blonde _what’s her name_ since the beginning of the month?” Harry’s jaw dropped at that point cause he couldn’t fucking believe Louis’ nerve.

            “She is my friend, Louis, FRIEND. Mine and Jeff’s and we haven’t even been _photographed_ together, how the hell did you know that?”

            “Rumors, Harold. She’ll be your new affair by the end of next month.”

            “So what? Nothing new there, right? Why are you hating this so much all of sudden?” Harry did something he had never done: turned the table on him with his own question. It was kind of low, but he was _so_ tired and couldn’t even remember why they were fighting over it since, like Louis said: wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

            Louis opened and closed his mouth a few times before speaking again.

            “Are they making you have a new girlfriend?”

            “No. Told them I wasn’t going to, didn’t even sign that part. She _is_ my friend, though, and she’s been going through some stuff and I won’t _not_ hang out with her just because the tabloids will probably decide she’s my new conquest.” Harry answered honestly.

            Sometimes it really felt like Louis still couldn’t believe entirely that Harry was gay, cause it seemed like he was afraid of losing him to one of the _fake_ girls – which was completely ridiculous and made Harry want to laugh, because, seriously, he was gayer than gay and the only reason he was closeted was because Louis wanted to – well, not the _only_ reason, but a big one of that, as it has been established.

            “Talk about patience. D’you know how _sick_ I am of dealing with your whore image?” Louis hissed sharply.

            “Probably as sick as I am of dealing with your so perfect relationship, so, we’re even.” He shrugged.

            “It’s not a game, Hazz.” It came out sadder than he wanted to, but also more real than anything he had said that night.

            “It sure as hell feels like one right now.”

           

            Louis wasn’t going to get back to the hotel or people would see him entering alone and wonder where the fuck Eleanor was (probably getting drunk with some boy toy in her 5-star-one-direction-payed hotel room) so he settled for Lottie’s room. At one am he went to the kitchen get some tea cause he couldn’t sleep and then the couch, to try again. If sleeping apart from Harry was difficult, it was even harder when he knew they were on the same house with nothing but their stupid egos getting in the way. He made his way upstairs almost sure that Harry was still awake when he got on the bed.

            “Oh, thank God” Harry kind of laughed in a muffled sound when he felt Louis’ arms around his waist and intertwined their fingers.

            “Are we good then?” Louis asked hopeful.

            “Not even close, Louis.” And he knew it was true. Because it wasn’t _Lou_ or _babe_ or some ridiculous nickname Harry had come up with throughout the years, it was Louis, plain and simple – and distant, so distant. He fell asleep with the boy in his arms and woke up a little better, but Harry wasn’t in bed anymore.         

            They only saw each other again at the AMAs rehearsal but didn’t interact much, unless it was about the music. It sucked, but Louis decided he’d give Harry time and have _patience_ , since it was what he had asked for the night before. Plus, Eleanor was still around – out and about with Sophia in LA –, so he wasn’t going to push anything.

            It wasn’t until the end of the day that Zayn decided to say something. Because of fucking course Zayn would realize something was off – he was a psychologist slash angel disguised as a boyband member in a Greek god’s body. And Louis loved him. Dearly. Entirely. He suspected him and Zayn had been blood brothers in other lives if such thing existed. They were brothers by circumstance now, though. “Wanna play some FIFA back at the hotel?” Louis nodded and Zayn didn’t talk again until they were in the middle of the game waiting for room service to get them all kinds of unhealthy shit.

            “Are you gonna tell me what’s up with you and Hazza or am I going to have to guess that it has something to do with Eleanor being here?” Zayn asked not taking his eyes off of the TV. He was winning after all… _Priorities._

It took Louis two goals – but he remained losing – to pause the game and throw the control on the bed.

            “Babes…” Zayn started again.

            “Why do I have to like cock so much? _Harry’s_ cock so much.” He faced the pillow, muffling his grumble. “I mean, how easy would it be if I was into girls?” he turned flat on his back staring at the ceiling and Zayn moved closer, not touching, but letting Louis know he was there and he was paying attention.

            “ _Were_. If you were into girls. Subjunctive, Louis”, Louis rolled his eyes and waited for him to continue. “Not so easy if you couldn’t be with her”, he finished, seeming worried himself.

            “You and Pezza ok?” He looked up.

            “Let’s focus on you, shall we?”

            “We’ll do you later.” Louis warned.

            “Deal. So. What’s wrong with you liking Harry’s cock?” Zayn asked nonchalantly.

            “Well, Harry’s a boy.”          

            “I think I know that by now.”

            “I just… It just- Fuck. It’s _so_ tiring, Zaynie. And so confusing. Like, we’ve been fighting over something so _small_ and useless and _ridiculous_. But at the same time I can’t act like he’s wrong now can I?” Zayn shook his head no. “I mean, I don’t know if  I hate more when he’s being a womanizer or in a serious relationship- what?” He stopped so Zayn could get that look out of his face, the _wait a second, but…_ look.

            “Who started being mad?”

            “Him. Cause El’s here. And she’s been around a lot, but then again, when hasn’t she? We’re supposed to love each other after all.”

            “Ok, so _he’s_ upset with _that_. And why are we talking about you hating _his_ image again? Oh, yeah, because it bothers you a hundred percent of the time. So you can’t really blame him for snapping once in a while, right? I mean, I know you know that, I’m just reinforcing. Anyway… You deal with it sporadically, Lou. He’s been dealing with it since twenty eleven without a break. And he never had a choice.”

            “He did.” But it came out weak. He hated how right Zayn was about everything.

            “No, Lou. You’ve decided for both of you and he complied because he loves you. And he never _ever_ throws it on your face.” He said softly, trying to reason. “But he’s not sixteen anymore. He wants to be free and he deserves it and so do you. So it is frustrating. I mean, if _Niall_ that never gets pissed off can’t stand your situation anymore, I can only imagine what that makes you guys feel.”

            Louis only realized he was silently crying when he felt his friend’s hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears.

            Suddenly he was back in two thousand eleven sitting in Modest’s office listening to their options. They could either start the band with two gay members (and take their chances on the marked) or they could hide it and have a better shot at everything.

            Louis didn’t even blink when he said he’d do anything to help the band. One, because he knew it was a one in a million chance and two, because he wasn’t ready to come out to his friends back home let alone the fans and the media. Now he realized the second option was his main reason, because it still _was_. And yes, maybe Zayn was right, because Harry never questioned – he always understood and so did everybody else (the other guys and his family) if he was being honest.

            So he was crying. He was crying because if he had been given the chance, he still wouldn’t change it – only because he was a coward. And worse: he knew, he just _knew_ Harry wouldn’t question it again; that boy would go to hell with him even if it were a one way ticket.

            “He just… I just- it’s. It sucks, ‘s all. And right now he’s hurting and it’s my fault. It’s my fault he’s still in the closet, it’s my fault he’s so pissed and it’s my fault for being in a fake relationship.”

            “It’s not _all_ on you, Lou. Don’t beat yourself up.” He gave him a hug before opening the door for room service.

            “Well, put it on a nutshell, Z. It is on me.” _And I can’t bring myself to change that, no matter how much I love Harry_ , he didn’t say. But Zayn knew, cause he always did.

            So they ate and talked about feelings like two teenage girls until two in the morning, when Louis was so full he wouldn’t move from the bed and Zayn couldn’t even find the strength to turn off the lights. They fell asleep among chocolates and chips and woke up to the sound of Zayn’s phone. He and Perrie were in the middle of a fight as well, and Zayn had told Louis all about it, hence the bad mood of the past month. They hadn’t broken up, but they weren’t about to start wedding arrangements either. Sometimes being extremely famous and busy sucked.

           

            The next day they didn’t have anything to do but rest to the AMAs on Sunday and since Louis’ family was in town, he decided to spend the day with his mom and the children in Harry’s house while his boyfriend was out with Jeff and their girl _friend_ – which didn’t please him, to put it lightly.

            Harry was okay by the evening, not quite perfect, though. They didn’t talk or kiss, which was weird, but they still slept together and spent the day together with Louis’ family,  Lou and Lux who went there to enjoy the pool.

            “Uncle Harry, can I braid your hair?” Lux asked once she finished eating lunch.

            “Course you can” Harry laughed picking her up from the chair and leading the little blonde girl to the living room. Lottie and Louis himself were in charge of washing the dishes while Jay and Lou were back at the pool with Fizzy and the little twins. Phoebe and Daisy were on Harry’s sides and he struggled to divide the attention with the little girls.

            “What are you gonna do when you have your own children? Harry’s so gonna be the better parent.” Lottie mocked him once they were alone.

            “Well thank you, sister, your support is quite important” he forced a sigh. “Right now I’m worried about us making to the next week so I can put the kids worry on hold.”

            “You do know you don’t have to worry, right? Like, he’s not going anywhere, ever. And- like, I don’t mean it as you can take him for granted whenever you want – which you don’t. I’m just saying that he’s Harry Styles, Lou. He could have literally _anyone_ he wanted, girl or boy, just name it and they want him. But he would never love anyone else. It’s in his eyes.”

            “I just feel like all we do is fight and make up right now. And it’s tiring, Lottie. Like, really tiring.”

            “Do you love him?” She asked seriously.

            “What _kind of_ question is that?” _I mean, really_ , he thought. That was extremely ridiculous.

            “Answer me.” His sister crossed her arms to show him it was a serious question. He’d give a serious answer, of course.

            “With every inch of my body, Charlotte. I’m ruined for life.”

            “That was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Also the most amazing one. It’ll be ok, Lou.”

            “Yeah, yeah, enough of that. Tell me _please_ you’re not fooling around with that friend of Niall’s.” He tried to change the subject.

            “If by fooling around you mean having the best sex in th” Ok, he regretted it already.

            “I’m gonna stop you right there cause I do not want to know about your sex life, thank you very much, I’m gonna go upstairs to take a shower.” It wasn’t like Louis wanted to hear about his seventeen year old sister having sex.

            “But Lewissss.” She called.

            “DON’T WANNA HEAR IT LALALALA” He responded loudly putting his fingers in his years and climbing the stairs already, leaving her with a lot of remaining dishes to be done.

            He really needed to relax, though. The van would pick him and Harry up at four pm to take them to the hotel where the rest of the band was in order to get everyone ready to the Award Ceremony that evening; he stepped into the shower letting the cool water calm his nerves. He closed his eyes and tried to clean his head for a while and a few seconds later he felt two big hands on his hips and someone’s torso plastered to his back.

            Harry kissed from his shoulder to his neck and then turned him slowly to kiss him on the mouth, his tongue licking slowly into Louis’ transmitting all kinds of feelings while his hands wandered on his back.

            “I’m sorry” Harry murmured under water. “I was being a prick” he said in a half smile and then kissed Louis again for good measure.

            “You were jealous, love.” Louis said in an understanding tone, which was rare for him to use, but then again, that was _Harry_. And Louis made Harry all kinds of exceptions.

            “I hate when you go out with her. Like, hate _hate_.”

            “I know. ‘M sorry.”

            “Just kiss it away”, Harry whispered like he was asking _please_ for Louis to kiss him. And he did, thoroughly, worshiping every inch of that boy’s body while the water washed away their uncertainties and tiredness.

            “Turn away, I’m gonna wash that curly hair of yours” Louis laughed, enjoying the intimacy. He’d _never_ take this for granted.

            Once they were ready they went downstairs to find Lou waiting for them with Lux half asleep in her arms.

            “You got your shit together?” She asked unceremoniously and Jay snorted.

            “Don’t we always?” Louis replied picking Ernest from the ground and hugging the little boy. He couldn’t wait for him to grow up and be taught all about football and videogames. He loved having sisters, but was fairly excited about having a boy to look up to him.

            “Yeah, well, van’s gonna be here in fifteen minutes, we’re already late and Caroline said her and Zayn are fighting over wardrobe already.”

            They all laughed and a few moments later the van was there to pick them up.

 

            The backstage before the presentation was kind of heated since Zayn and Caroline were _still_ arguing about his outfit. For a straight guy, Zayn was extremely picky when it came to things he’d wear, Louis thought, and it was quite funny to watch.

            “I don’t care if you don’t talk to me for a week, just wear it.” Caroline said losing patience.

            “Fine, but I’m taking it off after the performance.” He snapped at her, who had her arms around his waist.

             “You’re so worried about fashion that it’s _cute_ ”, Louis said.

            “Oh piss off.”

            Louis laughed and went to have a drink with Niall while Harry socialized with someone else. They had to keep their distance because there were too many people and cameras around, but it was fine, they were fine, they had bounced back as per usual. Harry lost it during the performance though. The way they were positioned gave him the opportunity to stare ridiculously obvious at Louis and he did every time the chorus came around: _even when the night changes, it will never change me and you_. And although truer words had never been spoken, he was properly scolded once they got off stage.

            “I don’t care if you just became the most awarded band in the whole fucking world, get your shit together because you just got yourself another Eleanor visit in Australia”, Anthony warned Harry as soon as they got back in the dressing room and Liam held his arm before Harry could answer anything, holding him tightly. And whoa, okay, that was good news (the whole “most awarded band” thing), but delivered poorly.

            “You don’t fucking try me, Tony, or I’ll come out before you can blink”, Louis said loud enough for everybody around to hear – thank God that resumed to their own staff and securities. Harry laughed into Liam’s shoulder and grabbed the drink he was offering.    

            They sat there for a while getting drunk and waiting for instructions. Zayn was still pouting at Caroline earning all kinds of mocking from his band mates and Louis decided to side with him, saying that the belt was, in fact, ridiculous – although it looked awesome on Malik. Well, what didn’t?

            “Niall, Liam and Lou, you’re flying tonight… Zayn and Harry are due to go tomorrow, is that ok?” Paul asked.

            They hummed their agreements and continued talking, taking in the news about their number of awards.

            “It’s like I’m waiting to wake up back in Bradford every time something like that happens.”

            “Right there with you, mate”, Liam agreed, fist bumping him.

            “What time is the flight?” Harry asked Niall after their third beer.

            “Two something, I guess” he answered more preoccupied with his drink. As in a silent agreement, both Harry and Louis said their goodbyes and told the crew people they were heading back to the hotel, asking one of their drives to pick them up in the back entrance so nobody would seem them.

            Harry told Paul he was staying in Louis room and would leave in the morning, so he should hold the reservation, Paul agreed and said he’d knock on the door when it was time for them to leave – he’d accompany the boys that night and Anthony would go with him and Zayn the next day, probably because Louis would want to punch Tony during the whole flight.            

            Paul was a good friend. He was caring and understanding and just a really good friend. He wasn’t team _Modest_ , that’s what Liam said, and it was true. He was team _Squad_ , which meant he’d always go above and beyond to help the guys do their own thing when they weren’t working – he’d give drunk Louis to Harry’s arms or put stoned Zayn to bed and never complain, like the coolest dad in the world. Niall used to joke and say that, one day, he’d ask Paul to adopt him.

 

           

            It was one of those nights that they wrongly felt like they had all the time in the world. Nothing was rushed and although the problems of real life still existed, they left it out there as soon as the door locked behind them. Harry had this effect on Louis – he was calming, heavenly even.

            They got into the bathtub together and Louis let himself relax in Harry’s arms; he wanted to forget everything – everything but _them_.

            “Gonna fuck you, Lou”, Harry bit his earlobe, hand in a bruising hold around Louis’ hip. “Push into you so deep… So deep you won’t be able to sit comfortably on that plane... Just like I know you like.”

            “ _God,_ take me to bed already”, he complained, feeling the water getting cold by the second and wanting to feel Harry everywhere at the same time. They made their way to the room still wet and Harry’s hair was glued to his face – Louis laughed loudly because he looked like Tarzan.

            “Now I see it” Harry breathed almost relieved as he kissed the corner of Louis’ eye.

            “See what?” Louis asked.

            “Crinkles”, Harry said simply and kissed the corner of his eyes again. “I like it. Love it. They only appear when you’re truly happy.”

 

            Harry didn’t top much, but that night he fucked Louis as promised: deep. Hard. But so, so slow that each drag made Louis want to cry – and at some point he did, because he just couldn’t take it. And it wasn’t just about their body contact… It was about the thousands of emotions that flooded him whenever they were together; it was the overwhelming feeling of not understanding how he could love someone so much.

            At the end Louis was drowning in pleasure and by the time he came his eyes shut and everything was dark for a while there – and that was how Harry knew he had done his job right. Louis was boneless and passed out beneath him.  

            "Hi, babe," Harry brushed Louis' fringe so they weren’t in his eyes anymore and Louis opened them. They’d never get over the feeling of staring at each other souls like this. "Okay?"

            "Yeah," he rasped, smiling weakly surprised by his own voice. He couldn’t feel his legs, which was a problem cause he had a flight to catch. Harry kissed his cheek, petting Louis' sides. He saw mess of come on Louis' stomach and raised an eyebrow. "D'you want to shower or -"

            Louis laughed, still coming down from his orgasm – it had hit him hard. "Harold, if you think I can walk after that you have got to stop underestimating yourself."

            Harry grinned and kissed him. "Alright", he said, climbing off the bed going to find a cloth to clean them both. After they were as good as their weakened bodies allowed them, Louis tucked himself in Harry’s arms, making himself small. Harry allowed him to be the little spoon that night. The last thing Louis felt before he dazed off to sleep was Harry's lips on his neck.

           

            Harry was about to close his eyes when somebody knocked on the door. He tried to ignore it, and held Louis tighter against his body and then they knocked again. He was feeling _so_ relaxed that he felt like crying when he climbed out of bed and put on some pants before opening the door.

            “Hey, H”, Paul said holding a yawn.

            “Already?” Harry asked in disbelief, it wasn’t possible. “He literally just closed his eyes.”

            “It’s been three hours…” Paul started. “Oh. I’m sorry, H, it’s one thirty, we gotta get moving.”

            “Paul, I’m telling you, he won’t be able to get _up_ right now.” Like, he really wouldn’t. Louis was _spent_ , in every sense of the word and getting up right now would be painfully. They did _not_ calculate their time brilliantly.

            “Harry, please don’t make me hear about your wild sex and just wake him up or I’ll do it myself.” Paul said in a more serious tone.

            “You do know this is unfair, right? I- we…”

            “I’m sorry, bro. Just… Please.”

            “Ok, give me five minutes.” He asked tiredly.

            “Five minutes and I’m knocking again. _Five minutes_ , Styles.” Harry nodded and closed the door behind him, swearing under his breath and walking around the bed to face Louis.

            He caressed his fringe with one hand and nudged at his shoulder, murmuring softly in his ear. Louis smiled but didn’t move.

            “Babe”, Harry started, kissing his jaw and then moving to his mouth, “babe, you gotta go”, he almost cried saying that. It wasn’t about the _time_ they’d spend apart because they’d see each other in one day again – it was about the sneaking around, the not being able to be _together_ like they wanted to. Harry felt like a dirty mistress whenever he was left at a hotel room like that or when he had to leave Louis.

            “Babe”, he tried again and deposited a firm kiss on Louis mouth.

            “Tell me I’m having a nightmare and I don’t have to get up”, Louis replied without opening his eyes.

            “I’m sorry.”

            “I wanna cry” Louis stated, rolling on his back and putting his two hands on his eyes. “Like, actually cry.”

            “Lou.” Louis took a deep breath and sit on the bed, making a funny face. “You okay?”

            “I can barely feel my legs, love.”

            “I’m sorry.” And Harry didn’t even know what he was apologizing for, the fact that he woke him up, the fact that Louis had to go or for going in too hard on him a few minutes ago.

            “This better be an apology for the situation and not your dick” Louis warned with a smirk, getting up from the bed and pulling some sweats on.

            “Try and get some sleep on the plane, yeah?” Harry said smiling at him.

            Louis hated planes and hated sleeping away from Harry. Long flights without Harry were a nightmare, but he was _so_ damn _tired_ that he hoped his body would help him on this one and knock him out.

            “I’ll do my best.” Another knock on the door. “Going”, Louis yelled putting on a jumper. “I love you. See you in a day”, he said, pecking Harry on the lips.

            “Love you too, Lou.” He replied, lying in bed. Louis tucked him in, pulling the blankets up until his waist.

            “We’re fine, yeah?” He asked hesitantly, hovering over Harry.

            “We’re perfect”, Harry replied, close eyed, and Louis left the room, pretending his heart wasn’t aching in his chest for having to leave his boy for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know? Please? (:


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a lot of fluff and domestic stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I have mentioned it before, but English isn't my first language so I'm so sorry for any mistakes... I don't have anyone to revise it for me and I must confess I get a bit lazy sometimes, haha.

 

            Zayn wanted a tattoo. Well, another tattoo. He spent the whole day at the ARIAs in Louis’ ear asking him to come along and after their performance he decided he’d go – Harry was sick with an ear infection and needed to sleep, so going to the tattoo parlor with Zayn didn’t seem like a bad idea at all… Maybe he could get another one himself.

            “Li, want to come with us?” Louis asked when Preston said the car was waiting for them.

            “Thanks, dude, ‘m gonna pass this one.” Liam answered without taking his eyes off the phone, probably talking to Sophia. Distance and time zones sucked.

            “You’ll be all right?” He then checked in with Harry, who was lying on a couch waiting for a car himself.

            “Yeah, just took some pills…”

            “All right. You sleep tight till I get there to make you tea and take care of you, call me anything.” Louis seemed like a worried mother and he knew, he just couldn’t help it. Caroline rolled her eyes from the other side of the room and whispered something in Zayn’s ear who laughed and hurried pulling Louis by the hem of his shirt.

            Zayn spent the whole car ride buzzing about the new design he’d have in his hand and how sick it’d look and by then Louis was convinced he’d get something himself. The thing about tattoos was that you could never do one and be done with it, especially when you were in a band with addicted friends.

            The tattoo artist was friends with Zayn and Louis was sure he had seen him once. While Zayn was explaining his drawing to Adam – the artist – and how he wanted it on his hand, Louis wandered around on the studio, talking to other people and trying to get an idea looking at the catalogues.

            “You want another one for Hazz?” Zayn asked.

            “I don’t know, any ideas?”

            “D’you guys have _anything_ that _don’t_ match?” Zayn scoffed wearing that God-given side smile.

            Louis stopped to think. Apart from the doodles on his arm and the ones he had for his family, the major ones were for Harry, _with_ Harry.

            “What matches a rose?” He asked Adam after thinking about his boyfriend’s body.

            “A dagger.” Adam answered nonchalantly, not taking his eyes off of Zayn’s hand because he had already started. “Well, usually the dagger is through the rose, but, if you want to match…” His Australian accent was so strong Louis had trouble to differ if he was being sarcastic or talking normally. He opted for the second one because he was Zayn’s friend and seemed like a nice lad and was sticking a needle in his skin in an hour or so.

            “Does it mean anything?”

            “Y-yeah, I’m sure it does, it’s on the portfolio…”

            “Mate, look it up online and let him concentrate on my hand, _please_.” Zayn asked trying not to wince with the pain. Even after so many, it still hurt. The skin was as sensitive as it ever was.

            Louis searched his phone in his pockets and connected it to the Wi-Fi of the studio to start looking for it. He had never thought about getting a _kind of_ knife on his skin, it all depended… If you think about it, he had never _wanted_ tattoos in the first place a couple of years ago.

            “Found it!” Louis kind of yelled after searching in different websites.

            “Fuck, Louis, I almost jumped here”, Zayn complained.

            “Sorry, bro.” He said and then leaned to speak _so_ low that it was agonizing in Zayn’s ear. “Found it.”

            “Twat. What does it mean, then?”

            Louis started reading. “A dagger through a rose is a common tattoo that symbolizes _loyalty_ , a _willingness to fight for love_ , and ultimately, _strength._ ”

            He waited a few seconds for Zayn to mock him and say that was the cheesiest thing he had ever heard, but then again, Zayn was Zayn – deep, poet-like, smart and kind Zayn.

            “It has you and H written all over it, bro. Sick.” Louis sighed and sat to wait his turn. He ended up with the dagger, a smiley face and a text on his arm that said _given the chance_. All in all, it was a pretty good day and when he arrived at the hotel and surprised Harry, it got even better… That grin of his was worth the world to Louis.

           

            “Tell me we don’t have to get up now”, was Harry’s first word when the alarm went off and Louis groaned by his side.

            “Wish I could, love”, his boyfriend responded using an apologetic tone. “I suppose we can be a few minutes late, though?!” He laughed, muffling the sound in Harry’s chest. “How’s your ear?”

            “It doesn’t hurt like it did last night, but ‘s not good either.” He said, changing his position so he could face Louis. Although he was still a bit sick, he felt magnificent when he stared at the boy’s blue eyes – they could cure anything, Harry thought.

            “You should come home after this.” Louis tried and bargained. This time they wouldn’t spend much time in Australia, the next day they’d leave the country – except for Niall, who would stay –, and Harry wasn’t going to London with him, Zayn and Liam.

            “Can’t. Got stuff to do in LA, but it’s only a few days, be back in no time, promise.” He whispered like a secret – and it _was_ – and kissed Louis’ nose, making the boy smile.

            “Not like you have a choice. You’ve got the Fashion thing-y on the first of December.” Louis replied pretending to be annoyed. He wasn’t. And Harry smiled. Louis was _terrible_ with dates and numbers in general, couldn’t remember his ID number to save his life, but he’s always had Harry’s schedule memorized by heart.

            They heard a bang on the door and knew they had to get up. Harry let out a sigh and turned on his side, closing his eyes again, refusing to get up. Louis opened the door wanting to yell at Alberto for hitting nonstop, but he was holding Lux in his arms so, instead, Louis smiled kindly and picked her up, saying that they’d try and get Uncle Harry out of bed.

            “Louise is working on Liam but she’ll be here in a while... The other boys are coming to get ready.” Louis nodded and closed the door.

            “Who’s gonna wake uncle Harry up by tickling the shit out of him?” He smiled at her kissing her forehead.

            “I’m gonna tell mom you sweared in front of me.”

            “ _Swore_ , dear.” He corrected her, walking towards Harry. “And I’m sorry, do not tell your mom or she’ll scold me. I’ll bribe you with whatever you want.”

            “A Barbie house.” She smiled excitedly knowing he’d get her the biggest and pinkest _Barbie House_ in the world.

            “Okay, I’ll get you the most beautiful Barbie House this week. Promise.” Louis was so gone for that little girl that he couldn’t imagine one day when he wouldn’t be part of her life.

            “You’re the best”, she smacked a kiss on his cheek.

            “Heeeey, I am awake, you know?” Harry grunted from the bed, feeling outraged.

            Louis dropped her on the bed and she jumped on Harry’s back, kissing him and tickling at the same time, till he surrendered and opened his eyes, asking her not to yell because his ear was hurting. She then lied by his side and cupped his face with his little hands, dragging her mouth to his ear to whisper:

            “Uncle Louis is the best, but you are the bestest. The bestest uncle ever.”

            Harry laughed and turned on his side, hugging her real tight. He thought of Lux as a training for when he’d have his own kids – he couldn’t wait for it.

            Louis ordered their breakfast and it got there just in time for them to eat before Lou arrived with an army of hair product and a very loud Niall by her side. Harry was so tired that he stood in bed with Lux watching cartoons on Netflix (it was ridiculous how they all had money but used Zayn’s account cause they were too lazy to create their own) until Lou had finished all the boys and called him up.

           

            The round of interviews was okay. Throughout the day he started feeling a little better – not perfect yet, though. As always, he got separated from Louis and put together with Niall, but he had a great laugh, since the blonde one was probably one of his best friends in the entire world, and Harry had a lot of friends spread around the globe. None of them could compare to Niall, or the other lads, if he was being honest.

            There was something to be said about the five of them. The way that no matter how much their old friends knew them and the new ones got to know them – only _them_ could understand what was going on in their heads at times. Because there were days where they couldn’t talk to anyone else without sounding like ungrateful pricks… So it was nice to have four other people who were going through the same stuff and wouldn’t judge you if you said “I really don’t want to do this signing today and meet people” or “I can’t listen to this song of ours anymore”.

            Niall, specially, understood Harry’s mood. He wasn’t Louis, of course (Louis understood it all, even the things that were left unsaid), but that was good, cause then Harry would actually be able to talk, and Niall would listen to everything – when the topic was serious, he wouldn’t even complain about Harry’s lack of eloquence or the fact that he stumbled on words and took forever to get a sentence out… Instead, Niall would give him a hug, get them a beer and make him laugh, and in the end, that’s all Harry ever needed.

            “Why are you staying in Melbourne if you don’t mind me asking…” Harry asked right before they started the next round of interviews, now with all the lads.

            “There’s this girl I met last time we were here…”

            “Nialler’s got a girlfrieeeeeeend”, Liam said from the back.

            “… And I wanna see where it goes. I mean, I don’t have much time. But she’s on vacations and I have a few days, so, who knows”, he shrugged and Harry tapped him on the back, wishing _“all the luck, man”_.

 

            Harry attended two concerts of Fleetwood Mac in LA before returning to London and got back just in time for the British Fashion Awards, getting back home to Louis and a bunch of romcoms he had bought while Harry was away.

            They were on the plane to Stockholm when Liam pointed the paparazzi pictures somebody had taken of Harry on the day of Gemma’s birthday. The _hash tag_ was “not with Louis” and apparently twitter was freaking out over it. Louis was sound asleep so Harry didn’t bother telling him, just muffled a laugh and tried to concentrate on finishing his book.

            “Were you together, though?” Liam asked, not dropping the subject.

            “Not at the club, no.”

            “Funny”, Liam commented. “Any news from Irving’s lawyers?” Harry nodded negatively and Liam offered an understanding smile.

            “I just don’t think I can take another winter girlfriend, Li. I swear to God.” He breathed heavily trying not to speak too loud. Louis had his chin on Harry’s shoulder and slept terribly on planes.

            “But they can’t make you, can they?”

            “No, but they will anyway. They’re gonna leak something to the press about Nadine, you just wait, my life’s gonna be hell again.”

            “Who is she?” _Nobody_.

            “A friend. Jeff introduced us a while ago.” He answered not really wanting to talk about it.

            “Is she a model?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Fuck, Hazz.”

            Fuck. Harry agreed, but didn’t put too much thinking into it, instead, he focused on the performance they’d have later and the other days of promo. If there was one thing that Harry had learned about being an adult and being in this rollercoaster called “let’s lie to everybody and pretend you do not like Louis’ ass and Louis’ everything if we’re being honest” was to not think ahead or he’d suffer much more.

            The thing about living on the spotlight was that you could never give a hundred percent of yourself or you’d lose your mind. He had learned it from Zayn back in 2012 and never forgot. Louis shifted by his side and started to wake up, his eyelashes fluttering slowly as he opened his eyes – Harry kissed his temples and got back to his book. As long as _that_ didn’t change, he was good.

-

           

            Promo in Sweden, promo in Amsterdam, promo in Rome… If Louis had to listen to the word _promo_ one more time he was sure he was going to lose it. They had just gotten back to London and were called for a meeting at seven thirty in the fucking morning on a Sunday. That’s it: ON. A. SUNDAY. The first thing Louis would do after getting out of that meeting was buy a calendar for those people because of REASONS. Who in their right mind would schedule a meeting this early? He really hated his management.

            “You ok, Lou?” Niall asked as soon as they sat in the meeting room and all it took was a look from the Doncaster kid for Niall to know that _no_ , he wasn’t ok, he wanted to _sleep_ and where the fuck was Harry anyway?

            “Sorry I’m late”, Harry got into the room in that second, apologizing and finding a chair for him to sit by Paul’s side.

            “Good morning, guys”, Jennifer started. There were at least three other people in the room and Anthony wasn’t there… Because _he_ could get a damn vacation. “As you all know, tomorrow you have the Rays of Sunshine here in London and the book signing the next day… We need to talk about it. Here are some revised questions you might get… They’re children so you should be fine, but, anyways…” They were handed a blue folder each and Louis didn’t bother opening, looking at Niall’s instead.

            She then talked about the book signing and the interviews they’d give and it was funny how the five of them remained silent, not because they were paying attention, but because they weren’t at all.

            Jennifer was right, though, Rays of Sunshine was fine – it was great, even. The kids were always amazing, never failing to make Louis smile and want a hundred of them running in the yard a few years from now. They sang and laughed and he could go with Harry to their flat afterwards.

            The book signing was a bit different, since the older fans were there, mixed with the little ones, and their questions were always more… Difficult to answer. Harry did have fun teaching how to do a man bun and confirming for the second time that he liked to be the little spoon, while Louis looked disguisedly from a chair away, cause even after so much time, _you can’t sit together_ was still the common rule. He did get distracted, though, writing all kinds of things on the fan’s books, showing them that _that_ wasn’t an autobiography at all or he wouldn’t have mentioned Eleanor three times in it. Honestly, that was laughable. “ _Who we aren’t_ is a better name”, he told one of the Sugarscape reporters.

           

            “What are we eating for dinner?” Louis asked when Harry appeared in the living room after his shower.

            “Can we order?” Harry asked already knowing that the answer would be a big fat _no_.

            “Nooooo, I miss your food”, Louis whined from the living room and Harry slumped on the couch by his side. “You could do fajitas, and we could eat cookies and then I could fuck you into that amazing mattress of yours till you couldn’t think straight.”

            “So romantic”, Harry said ironically and beamed at him and rested for fifteen minutes before getting up and going to the kitchen.

            They didn’t talk about work until the next day. They ate and had dessert and then Louis kept his promise and fucked Harry two times – in the kitchen and in the bedroom, and they fell asleep right away, not worrying at all about anything else. It was easy to shut down the world if they really tried.

 

            The bell wouldn’t stop ringing and for a second there Harry thought he was dreaming because no one visited them at their flat. It had happened less than ten times in three years so excuse him for getting confused before stepping out of bed. He opened the door with a frown until he saw Nick standing in front of him.

            “I was sleeping, you prick” was what he said.

            “Well Styles, I’ve missed you too”, Grimshaw smiled at him and handed a Starbucks coffee.

            “What on earth are you doing here?” The only time Nick had ever put foot on that apartment was the day he helped Harry move in part of his stuff. Never again.

            “I dropped by your house but there was no one, so I just figured… Is everything ok?”

            “Yeah, yeah, sure, I’m just really tired.” _And it’s eight am for fuck’s sake._

            “Crazy night?” He asked following Harry into the kitchen.

            “You could say so.” He laughed and opened the fridge to get the ingredients to make some pancakes.

            They talked for a while before Louis felt the bed too cold and too big and woke up, showing up in the kitchen wearing nothing but his briefs. But then again, Harry wasn’t wearing anything else either.

            “Suddenly I feel too clothed”, Nick joked as soon as Louis said his good morning and went to kiss Harry.

            “Oh you could strip too”, Louis responded and then rolled his eyes, getting some tea. “So, what’s up?”

            “Nothing, just wanted to catch up.”

            “Of course”, he answered and let his boyfriend continue to do the talking because 1) he was already doing it before Louis interrupted, 2) it was too early for Louis to enjoy a conversation with someone that wasn’t Harry and 3) he didn’t have much to talk to with Nick. He didn’t dislike him, by any means, just wasn’t his biggest fan.

            Nick didn’t stay long, though. Paul called to say that they would all meet at Liam’s place for Lou to get their hairs and make up ready and him and Harry decided to head there right after lunch time to play videogames and hang out a bit. After five years, they had to work on staying friends – since work was so consuming, it was easy to become a colleague and nothing else… No way in hell they were gonna let it happen to the five of them. Zayn showed up in the afternoon with Caroline and Niall was the last one to arrive. It’d be a really exciting night for all of them.

            “You and Pezza ok?” Louis asked Zayn on the way to the event cause he wouldn’t stop typing and he wasn’t one to cling to a cell phone.

            “We’re good, yeah, finally. We’re… Texting.” He blushed.

            “You’re _sexting_ aren’t you?” Louis teased. “Yes, you are, OH MY GOD ZAYN MALIK, YOU ARE SEXTING!” If it were possible, Zayn was even redder. More red than redder. The reddest.

            “Am not.”

            “Are too.”

            “Shut up you twat or I’ll mess your hair.”

            “And I’ll mess yours.”

            “Girls, calm down, we’re almost there.” Niall interrupted making everyone laugh in the van.

            “It’s okay, Zaynie, me and Hazz do it all the time. You should try skype sex as well… It’s not better than the real thing, but it’s pretty good, I assure you.”

            “Louis, just… Shut it.” Zayn replied and slapped Louis’ forehead before turning off his phone and putting it in his pocket.

            “How do you not have a boner if you were sexting?” Louis continued to tease but now genuinely interested and curious.

            “One, stop looking at my dick, two, because I wasn’t fucking texting.”

            “One, I’ve seen your dick plenty times and it’s a nice dick but I like Harry’s better. Two, you _so_ were.”

            They got to the BBC Awards laughing loudly after that and impressing the cameras with their amazing white smiles. Louis spent the entire time teasing Zayn and when he found out Harry was going to an after party, he decided to head back to his house for the night, but was happy when his boyfriend got into the bed hours later.

 

            Louis had a cold. As soon as they landed in Madrid on December twelfth for the Top 40 Awards his body temperature was really high and he was starting to feel dizzy, plus, his throat was killing him. He got through the event but he just _knew_ that their team wouldn’t let him go to France the next day. One boy sick was okay, but the five of them just couldn’t happen, ever, so he’d have to sit that one out.

            “I called your mom”, Harry said at the hotel.

            “Why, love?” Louis asked, hugging him tightly. He hated the fact they’d spend two nights apart.

            “To take care of you.” Harry replied simply, leaning in to kiss the tip of his nose. “Drink a lot of tea, ok? And take the pills, they’ll help you. If you’re going to your house, they’re in the kitchen, on that transparent box… If you’re going _home_ , they’re in the drawer on the side table, my side of the bed.”

            “I love you, you know? I love you for knowing where my medicine is, and I love you for calling my mom and I love everything else.” Somebody knocked on the door and it was probably Alberto to take him to the airport.

            “I love you too. Get better.” Harry kissed him quickly before Louis had to go and then went to Niall’s room, cause he didn’t want to sleep alone.

            It was weird because although him and Louis were kept separated most of the time in front of the cameras, Harry still knew he was there, so he could steal glances every now and then, but having to do something One Direction related without him felt just… Wrong.

            France was good, though, always treated them nicely and the Award ceremony wasn’t bad either, in fact, they had been having a blast with all the recognition they were getting. It sometimes was still astonishing how big they were. Harry was sat between Niall and Liam when his mind drifted for the first time their song was number one and how excited he got. He missed that feeling so much. It was crazy to think that but, after a while, being number one was _standard_ for them – they were extremely grateful and never ever would take this for granted, but it had become normal to be the biggest boy band in the world and pack stadiums with sixty thousand people.

            When their names got called they made it to the stage with huge smiles on their faces and Liam gave a brief speech so they could return to their chairs and enjoy the rest of the night. Fortunately they didn’t have to perform one band member short again.

            Without Louis around, nobody from management tried to force Harry to have a night out in Paris, but maybe it was also because they knew he needed to rest for the X Factor on Sunday. He called his boyfriend before bed and Louis was feeling a bit better already, excited for going back to the program… Honestly, Harry just _knew_ Louis would end up being one of their judges one day – he was like a kid who loves school so much that becomes a teacher just to go back there.

           

            Meeting Simon was always a blast. Once they became their own people and weren’t scared anymore of his strong presence, they could manage to become really good friends with the business man. “Harry, son, a word”, Simon called him in the dressing room thirty minutes before they went on air.

            “Hi”, Harry smiled at him, giving one of those dudes’ hugs.

            “So, it came to my knowledge that you’ve been offered another deal as a solo artist…” Harry hated this conversation already. “Is there anything I need to worry about when the time to renew your contracts comes?”

            “A year from now I fully intent to be on this band, unless your company fire us, of course”, Harry joked.

            “Oh, we have no intention to fire you anytime soon” Simon breathed lighter after hearing that from Harry. “You’re just ridiculously talented, Harry. It would be a shame if one day you realized how amazing you could be on your own. For us, at least. And your friends.” He raised an eyebrow signaling the other lads.

            Harry looked around for a second. Liam was fighting Louis again because the older boy had tried yet again to wet his jacket with bottled cold water. Niall was excitedly talking to freaking Roonie Wood who was going to perform with them and Lou was finishing Zayn’s hair. He then smiled and looked at Simon again.

            “I do know how amazing I could be on my own, not to sound like a dick but I _have_ been offered, indeed, a shit load of solo proposals… But who said I want to be on my own?”

            “You know… Liam has received one or two, too.”

            “I know.” Harry also knew he had refused it.

            “He doesn’t intent to leave you guys. Y’all make me feel like a genius sometimes when in fact was all a struck of luck”, Simon jokes, patting Harry on the shoulder.

            “We bring you a lot of money, Si, we know that”, he laughed.

            “Not just that, you know that, H.”

            “Of course. And as _always_ you didn’t let me finish. How can this people still let you work there?” Simon rolled his eyes as if he were saying _I created the damn show_. “We bring you a lot of money, but we also make a lot of money while having the time of our lives traveling the world and meeting amazing people. And it is shitty sometimes, and you can be sure that when the time comes we’ll try and make some changes in our record deal contract since we’re not sixteen, seventeen or eighteen anymore… But we’re in this for the long run, however long it lasts.”

            “HAROLD!” Louis yelled coming at him and half jumping on his back, making Harry groan in pain. “Oops, sorry, babe, forgot you have old ladies’ problems. Hi, uncle Si”, Louis smiled at him. He was the one who saw Simon the most, since they had business together. A true visionary, Louis was.

            “You two still strong?” Simon asked, eyeing him and Harry. They nodded. “Good to know, boys.” He smiled. “I’m gonna go now, the show’s about to start… Excited to see you perform.” He then talked briefly with Niall and Roonie and exited the room.

            “What did you want to tell me?” Harry turned to Louis.

            “Oh, nothing, forgot.” Louis laughed and kissed him on the cheek before going to eat something totally healthy and _unLouis_ – he needed all the vitamins he could get though.

            They watched the program from the dressing room together waiting for their time to perform. Well, the boys watched. Harry kind of _fanboyed_ over the Rolling Stones’ star who was right beside him speaking all kinds of embarrassing stuff while Niall laughed at him stuffing his mouth with chips.

            When they were due to go on stage, Harry was electrified and jumped the whole time, making a fool of himself beside one of his idols and not giving a shit. Louis even traded places with him halfway the song because he was _that_ good of a boyfriend really. When they finished and went to the backstage, Niall was buzzing about this after-party and none of his friends wanted to go, so, of course, he appealed to Harry.

            “It’ll be fuuuun, it’s been ages since we hung out, mate.”

            “Ni, we hang out every single day.” Harry replied.

            “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to party with this _Irish wonder_ here and several beers.”

            “Lou’s still kind of sick and…”

            “Oh don’t pull that crap, babe”, Louis intervened. “Go. It’s Niall. Plus, you need to have fun. God knows how many night clubs I’d hit if they stopped tracking my every move.”

            “So sad, you are”, Harry teased. “Yeah, let’s go, it’ll be fun”, he replied to Niall. “My car or yours?”

            “None. I fully intend to get smashed tonight. And get you, my friend, smashed too. Let’s get going, goodbye Louis, sleep tight and all that”, Niall talked back to Louis already pulling Harry towards the hall of the X Factor backstage, making them both laugh and exchange the “see you at home” glance.

 

            So Louis was alone at home and had nothing to do. He had already washed all the dishes and called his family. He had called Stan and had had an hour of his bullshit. He even called Mark to check in on him. And watched half of a Game of Thrones episode because, honestly, he couldn’t handle that much blood – he’d tease Harry, but would trade blood for romcoms anytime too. It was half past midnight and he couldn’t fucking sleep. So of course he went online because that seemed like a brilliant idea.

            People were so excited about their performance and complimenting that he even smiled to himself going through his feed, so he kept going, reading a lot of one direction related things, waiting to stumble on some Larry x Elounor stuff and have a laugh, but instead he faced the rumors of Harry and Nadine.

            Damn. He so called it before time, he just knew it would happen. And ok, Harry totally warned him a few days ago that she had texted him that the media was already exploding around the two of them, but actually reading it made Louis kind of angry and wanting to throw up, although the second could be the medicine’s fault… Nah, it was the thought of Harry with someone else, he was sure.

            He was half asleep when he heard the door open and a dizzy Harry stumble into the room with a crown on his head and a sweet smile on his face. He was a great drunk, Louis thought. Funny and pliant, not like Louis himself who could be extremely annoying. So Louis didn’t even have to get up from bed to help him, cause all he did was take off his clothes and get under the covers. He kissed Louis close mouthed and plastered his back on the boy’s chest, wanting to be cuddled. Seconds later Louis drifted to a heavy sleep completely forgetting about any rumors whatsoever, and when he woke up, it was to a naked hard Harry pressing himself on him under the duvet, kissing his earlobe and murmuring some filthy good morning things.

            “Thought you’d be hungover, love”, Louis joked, his voice still cracking from spending so much time without speaking.

            “No. But I’m ridiculously turned on and I really need you to fuck me”, Harry said hoarsely, his voice echoing on Louis ear.

            “Well, we’ll have to do something about that, won’t we?” He replied cheekily.   

            “We better”, Harry beamed at him before attacking his mouth. It was a great morning, Louis decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments have been making me so happy. I swear that this is what makes me keep posting, pls continue (:
> 
> Next update by the end of the week.


	5. Chapter 5

They had a meeting that day. Another one. They all went to Modest’s office downtown to be congratulated. Ok, that was news. Apparently the management team was really happy with their work and their numbers wouldn’t stop increasing.

            “With that said, let’s set some ground rules for New York, shall we?” Jennifer said with that devilish smile of hers. Now it was more like it.

            Harry would fly out that night and arrive on the sixteenth while the other boys would arrive on the seventeenth. They had already arranged for them all to be on the same hotel, so that was good, since Louis family was going and the girls were really excited to spend some time with Harry again. Plus, it felt like they were being unleashed. A few months before nobody would let them enter the same hotel unless it was clear to everyone that Louis was there with Eleanor.

            Liam got a good deal was well, since Sophia was going and so were his parents. Louis pretended he didn’t notice Zayn’s face when they were discussing WAGs and family members and waited for them to get through “watch out for night outs and do not drink too much” and then “behave on SNL, we want you to get called back really soon” to talk to him. They also planned for Harry to go to _that_ after party, but Niall pitched in and said he was going as well, so Louis sat back relaxed because one, Harry wasn’t going with a girl and two, he would actually have fun.

            It sometimes felt ridiculous how most of their time was premeditated. Of course they had to plan stuff since it wasn’t an easy calendar, but to actually have to be _warned_ they’d _have_ to be at a party sounded absurd. Louis just wasn’t sure what was more absurd: that or the fact that he was already used to it.

            He decided to talk to Zayn when they called a break on the meeting, giving them time to breathe, eat and have a drink. He sat by his side on the sofa and waited almost ten minutes for Zayn to finish a milks-shake and finally spill everything out. Everybody’s family managed to go see the boys in concerts and performances… Louis’ and Liam’s parents went abroad the most, but in London everybody got together, and the last time Zayn’s parents had seen him in an actual gig was back in 2012 when they played MSG – most of the time his dad used the religion card, which hurt even more.

            Zayn was an introspective person so of course he hid how much he wanted his family to be there for him – even though he was worried about his sisters, he wanted them to be part of his life, but it didn’t seem possible since he had to go over to Bradford to meet them, in that small town where they were the big fishes now. Louis knew that already but listened to his friend’s babbling for quite a good time, until he patted him in the back and said he was sorry, and that Zayn could borrow his mom whenever he wanted.

            After that, the meeting went on and they discussed merchandising and money and then more money until they called it for the day. Harry and Louis were asked to stay a bit more, of course, and Harry sank down on the armchair, waiting for everybody to leave the room with him, Louis, Jennifer and her personal assistant whom they hadn’t figured out the name yet.

            “Let’s talk Christmas and New Year’s eve, shall we?”

            “Don’t you dare separate us again” Harry replied immediately, not wasting one second to think.

            “I’m sorry, but, can I finish, mr Styles?” Jennifer gave him a dry smile and Louis focused on the assistant who couldn’t even look them in the eyes. Harry waited and breathed heavily and she interpreted it was a “c’mon, go on then” and continued. “You’ll be together on New Year’s Eve since you’ll be performing, so that’s sorted out and as long as you can keep your hands to yourselves we won’t need any cover up rumors.”

            “Like Nadine?” Louis scoffed.

            “We didn’t hire her and you know it, Louis”, Jennifer said.

            “Doesn’t mean you’re not using it, right? Not that she isn’t too… I bet now the world knows who the fuck she is, her modeling career must be…”

            “Lou”, Harry warned. Right, they weren’t gonna fight about it. Duly noted. “Continue, Jennifer.”

            “Christmas. Think you can keep a low profile?”

            “Don’t we always?” Louis asked right back at her.

            “Yes, but if Harry’s sister’s birthday is an indication of you two ditching the spotlight, you’re failing at staying hidden.”

            “We weren’t together that day, though. At least not at Gem’s birthday.” Harry shrugged, since he had gone to Louis’ grandmother lunch earlier on the same day.

            They let this discussion go and focused on promising with their patience wearing out that yes, they would be careful, yes, no one would find out their families were going to have lunch together in Louis’ house in Doncaster, yes, no one would know how Harry would make Louis moan on his birthday and then scream for everybody to hear – and at that the poor assistant blushed, for which Harry apologized for overstepping later.

            They exited the office separately by a few minutes and met again in Harry’s house, cause he needed to pack. Whenever he went to LA, he’d go with the basics, since his house was fully stocked with skinny jeans and bright boots, but they’d stay at a hotel in NY and even though Louis could borrow anything of Harry’s and it would fit him, for a long time now the inverse couldn’t happen – a shame, really, because Harry loved wearing Louis’ shirts and jumpers.

             Harry’s phone rang when they were about to eat something and it was Preston letting him know that he’d pick him up in a few minutes to go to the airport.

            “I’m gonna starve to death”, Louis complained, “I have nothing to eat in my house and I’m not going back to the flat without you”.

            “Eat here”, Harry replied. “There’s stuff in the freezer, you can microwave it”, he offered a smile and took his iPhone charger off the wall to put on the bag.

            They climbed down the stairs and waited together talking about mundane things until Harry’s phone buzzed and Preston let him know he was already waiting on the street.

            “See you tomorrow”, Harry said, hugging Louis really tight and kissing the place where his neck met his shoulders. “Love you.”

            “Love you too, Hazz”, Louis kissed him lightly. “Have a nice flight.”

            “Thanks”, he smiled and left the house. When he was about to turn off his phone for the plane to take off he received a message from Louis, he was sprawled in Harry’s bed with a bowl of popcorn and said he had decided to sleep there. Harry smiled and sent him a heart emoji before finally turning off the phone and shutting his eyes, planning to sleep the entire trip.

            He woke up one hour and a half before landing and was glad to see his body guard was awake too, at least he had somebody to talk to. They landed and went straight to the hotel, stopping briefly for a few fans on the way. Harry asked Preston to join him to have breakfast and he complied. It was nice that they were friends, Harry thought, he didn’t even like to imagine how his life would be if he couldn’t rely on the guys that were with him 24/7.

            “Are you planning on going out tonight?” Preston asked when they were going up to their rooms.

            “I’m planning on sleeping the whole afternoon, mate”, Harry laughed tiredly. “I’ll probably meet some friends later, but I haven’t checked my texts yet, so I don’t know, but I’ll let you know if I’m leaving the hotel.”

            “Ok, H”, Preston replied while they were getting out of the elevator. “See ya”, he waved already walking towards his room that was a few doors away from Harry’s (of course, the ones by his side or in front of his were already booked for the other boys). Harry only bothered to text Louis and his mom before taking a long shower and falling onto bed.

           

            On Wednesday, the seventeenth floor of the hotel was crowded. Everybody was arriving at the same time with more suitcases than the hotel employees could carry and so many children that Harry was getting dizzy. He said hi to Sophia and Liam’s parents first and then helped Jay with the kids in order for her to set everything straight in her bedroom. Fizzy and the twins got their own room and were over the moon with happiness. Lottie was sharing with Louise and Zayn with Niall.

            It wasn’t until one pm that Louis got to kiss Harry properly with their door shut and no noise to interrupt.

            “How was last night?” Louis asked.

            “It was nice, saw some friends… Did you sleep well?” Louis frowned and no, of course he hadn’t slept well all by himself. “You will tonight, come here”, Harry pulled him for a long hug and they laid together for what it felt like forever and not enough time – as it always seemed to be.

            The next day they had rehearsals for SNL and it was so funny and exciting that by the time they got to the other studio for the Jimmy Fallon appearance they were kind of tired but really happy and buzzing. Harry was taking a bunch of funny selfies with Sophia and Niall when they called up to change their clothes and film the interview.

            He tried, he really did, to control his face whenever Jimmy mentioned marriage or kids but maybe Harry just got a bit more transparent during Christmas time because his entire face lightened up and his eyes almost rolled to the back of his head to try and see Louis to just…  Communicate, somehow, about what was being said. Louis laughed loudly though, to let him know “yes, Hazza, little does the know how good marriage sounds like”.

            It was almost like a rehearsed dance, the way they communicated nowadays in front of the cameras. They didn’t mind a single bit when it felt good. Would it be nice if Louis could just say “hey Harry, look at this!” every now and then, just like he did to Niall? Yes, it would. But it was also nice that they had their own way. Everything was fine.

           

            “Harry, my friend…” Louise approached him backstage blinking way too quickly and smiling way too brightly.

            “Why do I feel like you want to ask me for something?”

            “Because you are my best friend and knows me so well?” She asked. Harry rolled his eyes. “Seriously, though, what are you doing tonight?”

            “Nothing. Lou’s going to write with I don’t know who and then we’ll just hang out, why?”

            “Can you take Lux for the night? Pretty please?”

            “I might be highly intuitive today, I don’t know, maybe it’s related to the position of the moon but… Do I sense a hot day for you tonight?”

            “You do, indeed, mr Styles. Well, if you can find time in your popstar schedule to watch your goddaughter that is.”

            “Of course I can, you knobhead”, Harry said, hugging her. “Who’s the lucky guy I’ll have to intimidate with all my masculinity?” He then asked jokingly.

            “Just someone I met in LA who happens to be here for business this week… I don’t think it’s gonna be serious but since I reeeeally need to get laid, I thought, why not, right?”

            “Watch your mouth, you’re a family mother!” Harry faked outrage and she laughed at him, raising an eyebrow to Lottie, who came to join their conversation.

            “Harry, she really needs to get laid, or she might cut your hair by the end of the month just to take the edge off.”

            “Oh, but getting laid or not I am going to do it”, Louise warned.

            “You’re not touching my hair anytime soon, Louise”, Harry said.

            “And why’s that?” She got serious with one hand on her hip. It was her “ _I’m gonna do whatever the hell you want with your hair cause I’m the boss of those multi-millionaire curls_ ” position.

            “Sex reasons, I really like to pull it”, Louis popped in and that finished the argument. Lou knew too much about their sex lives already, thanks to the seventeen year old Harry who was discovering so many positions and had no one to talk to; she didn’t want to know any more.

            Harry let Louis know they were taking care of Lux that night and he couldn’t contain the grin on his face, saying goodbye and heading off to a studio with Liam. Harry had an afternoon of Zayn and Caroline bickering and then found some courage to ask Mark to join him in the hotel gym. He was getting out of the shower when Lottie knocked on the door with Daisy and Lux and they got in bed to watch Cinderella II.

            “Where’s Phoebe?” Harry asked Daisy as he tucked her under the covers.

            “Being a grown-up with Fizz and Sophia.”

            “You don’t want to be a grown-up?” He asked.

            “Why would I? Grown-ups suck. Except you, of course. You’re a perfect grown-up.” She smiled and Harry kissed her forehead.

            “Uncle Harry, what will we have for dinner?”

            “You hungry already, Lux?”

            “No.”

            “So let’s watch the movie and then talk food, shall we?” She smiled brightly at him and jumped over Charlotte’s body to lie next to him. He was now between two of the most adorable kids in the world.

            “You’ll be fine here?” Lottie asked.

            “Yeah, you can go be a grown-up too”, he laughed and she offered a nice smile, kissing the girls and leaving the room, telling Daisy to not bother Harry and go to her room as soon as the movie was over.

            She didn’t, of course. They watched the film and had dinner by seven thirty, and when they got bored with the snacks from the mini bar, Harry let them braid his hair… Or at least try, cause for every part Daisy finished Lux destroyed. It was funny, though, and when Louis arrived, tired and annoyed as hell (for something he wouldn’t tell Harry), he felt better looking at the girls.

            It was eleven pm when they convinced Daisy that she needed to go to sleep and that Lux needed to shower.

            “You take her to her room and I’ll give Luxie a bath?” Louis asked already lifting himself from the ground. Their hotel room was always messy, but it was over the chart this time. He hoped their house would be like that one day – with as many kids tracks as it was manageable.

            Harry nodded and offered Daisy and apologetic look. He’d gladly let her sleep there too, but the bed wouldn’t fit the four of them and Louis – the other ten year old in the room – simply refused to let Harry sleep on the couch, which he didn’t mind at all.

            Harry carried Daisy on his back and when he knocked on her bedroom door he faced Phoebe with too much make up and Fizzy with a red lipstick in hands. Can these kids just stop to try and grow up please? Félicité was ten only yesterday when the twins were six and the toddlers weren’t even born… JESUS, CAN TIME JUST FUCKING STAND STILL?

            “Ok, time to go to bed, everyone!” he said, entering the room. “Did you guys have dinner?”

            “Yes, mom made us eat”, Fizz replied. “I was just testing some make up Sophia gave me”, she continued in her defense.

            “Well, then I suggest some youtube tutorials cause Phoebe looks like a clown”, he replied laughing and kissing the ten year old.

            “You weren’t mean, Harry, what on earth did Louis do to you?” Félicité asked laughing too and taking Phoebe to the bathroom to clean her face.

            “I think I look nice, sis”, Phoebe said. She was too good for this world, Harry thought.

            “If I leave you guys here will you go to sleep or…?”

            “We’ll sleep, promise.” Fizzy said and smiled at him. Harry kissed them all and agreed once again with Daisy: grown-ups did suck. A lot. He hated when he had to be one.

            When he returned to the room Louis was taking Lux off of the bathtub and drying her, while she asked something Harry couldn’t tell. He decided to let them have their moment and started to unmake the bed for them to sleep.

            “No, Luxie. Me and Harry are not going to break up.”

            “But mom and dad did”, Harry heard her say. “Will you stop loving uncle Harry someday?” She asked as he entered the bathroom too.

            “Never. My love for your uncle Harry is so so so big that  I could lend it to a love-less land and I’d still have enough to last for eternity.” Louis answered her and then looked at his boyfriend. They were both so tired, but the energy was so damn good that they doubted there was something more peaceful than talking about love with a child.

            “Eternity is forever?” She asked.

            “It is, pumpkin.” Louis beamed at her.

            “Will you love me forever too?” Lux was shy when she let it out. And she was always so forward and outgoing for a (almost) four year old that it was strange to see her blushing. She had Louise’s confidence after all.

            “Yes. Even when you grow up and have a boyfriend and don’t care about us anymore”, Harry interjected reassuring her.

            “I don’t need a boy, uncle Harry” she rolled her eyes and he laughed.

            “She doesn’t need a boy, uncle Harry” Louis said firmly and they both laughed. Louis picked her up and walked towards the bed with her. “We’ll sleep now, okay?”

            “Can we sleep watching a movie?” Her eyes were shining and neither Harry nor Louis knew how to say no to a kid. Harry told Louis to take his shower while he put on another Disney movie and lied beside Lux, waiting for his boy to come to bed as well.

 

            “Are you cold?” He asked. New York was freezing this time of the year.

            “I’m good”, she replied and rested her little head on Harry’s shoulder. “Love you, uncle Harry”, Lux whispered and Harry said “you too”, kissing her cheek. And then “LOVE YOU, UNCLE LOUIS”, she yelled as he came out of the bathroom.

            “Love you too” Louis replied laughing and lied on the other side of the bed, leaving her in the middle to feel cuddled and really, really loved. He turned off the lights and breathed for a while. The day had been crap and he’d have to talk to Harry the next day, but for now, just for a while, everything was perfect. “Love you, uncle Harry”, he said, a smile playing on his face.

            “Love you too, uncle Louis”, Harry answered and kissed Louis’ hand that was on top of Lux, hugging them both as best as he could. Although they weren’t cuddling per se, it was one of the best sleeps they had ever had.

 

            Harry was the first to wake up followed by Lux, at nine am. He texted Louise to know her whereabouts but turned out she was already at the hotel, so he took the little girl to her room. It was ridiculously cold, so he got under the covers with both of them and they ordered room service. Louis didn’t wake up until noon, when Harry had gotten out to have lunch with some friends.

            He really didn’t like to walk around with a body guard unless it was extremely necessary – another reason why he preferred LA, where he could walk alone most of the time. “Paparazzi on your three o’clock, H”, Preston let him know.      

            “It’s okay”, he answered. Christmas time in New York, the city was full with celebrities and of course there’d be photographers all over the place. What he got that afternoon wasn’t nearly as bad as Liam and Sophia who had gone out to do some shopping and were totally mobbed leaving one of the stores.

            _Are we gonna get to talk before SNL?_ Louis texted as Harry got in the car.

            _Be right there_ , he replied and it took only twenty minutes and a few fans for him to go up to their room. Louis wasn’t there so he texted to tell him he had arrived. They still had a couple of hours before everyone would have to head out to the SNL Studio. He was kind of nervous, he couldn’t deny it.

            “Hi, babe”, Harry smiled as soon as he entered the room.  

            “Hey. Was with Zayn”, Louis said, hugging him. “Everything ok?”

            “Good yeah. So, you wanted to talk”, Harry said and waited for him to speak. After the mess their lives were by the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, they promised each other they’d never be shitty at communication again. Still, sometimes it would take Louis a while to verbalize whatever bothered him.

            “Yeah. About yesterday? When I got here? El called when I was at the studio.”

            “And?” Even if Harry tried, he couldn’t find it in himself to care about her, which was weird because he generally was a very caring person even towards the ones who didn’t deserve.

            “She wanted to talk. She met someone.” He told Harry.

            “Good for her.”

            “Hazz. I don’t think she’s up to being my girlfriend anymore.” He waited, but Harry didn’t reply. His mind was spiraling. “It’s a good thing, right?” Louis tried again.

            “Does management know?” Harry asked seeming cold, but only because he was already calculating all the catastrophic possibilities this would bring if it weren’t done right.

            “No. She isn’t with the guy… _Yet_. But I suppose she was giving me a fair warning. Although we did fight because apparently I’m a shitty fake boyfriend.” Louis scoffed.

            “At least she had the decency to talk to you first. She’ll wait though, right? The contract goes for… What? Five more months?”

            “I guess so”, Louis shrugged. “But what if she doesn’t? Hazz, I’m not ready to, like, I can’t.” Louis was tiny next to Harry, but when he was being insecure he managed to get even smaller and although Harry really, truly wanted to cuddle him, this was a tough subject on both of them. It involved everything they’d ever wanted and at the same time fought about: Louis having a beard, Harry being a womanizer, Harry wanting to come out, Louis being scared. _Circles, they were going in circles._

            “Can’t what?”

            “What am I gonna do once we “break up”, you know?” 

            “It all depends on how the PR people are going to deal with it. Or, you know, how you’ll deal with it.”

            “What does that mean, love?”

            Harry pondered for a while. He was avoiding this subject for forever now, he wasn’t about to get in it. No way.   

            “Nothing, babe. Let’s just hope for the best, shall we?”

            “I thought we didn’t do that anymore.” Louis complained. “The thing where one of us shuts down and doesn’t talk to the other. I mean, if I can open up...”

            “Lou, the alternative is us getting in an argument a few hours before going live. Can we just, like, delay this conversation?”

            “Ok. Pause. But I’m going back to England tomorrow, so we’ll talk before I leave. Deal?”

            “Deal.”

            “Now kiss me.” So Harry did. They kissed lazily for a while before Louis’ phone started to buzz. It was a call from London, about the company he was starting, so he had to take it and spent the next hour on it, while Harry stared at him with a smile playing on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all still reading it? haha xx


	6. Chapter 6

Harry was royally drunk. And he didn’t get pissed often, so you can imagine his state. He was with Niall, after all, and whoever _didn’t_ get drunk with Niall had a serious problem. That’s how he found himself in the back of an _uber car_ with a blonde Irish dude and three hot girls – from a heterosexual perspective – and high on the idea of getting it on with a One Direction member.

            One of the girls was in Harry’s lap and when she went to kiss his neck he realized how far things had gotten. _“I’m flattered, but I’m sorry”_ he tried to say, being as polite as his dizzy mind was allowing him to while he shoved her off to sit by his side.

            “The more the merrier”, Niall said loudly opening his arm for the girl to fit with him and the other two.

            “Jesus, Ni”, Harry rolled his eyes.

            “What?” Niall shrugged and smiled, kissing one of the girls right after that. “Styles, this is called _living_. You can have your monogamous life but that is _not_ for me, my friend.”

            “Just don’t forget they’re people, mate”, he replied and closed his eyes, trying not to get too sick with the movements of the car. Jesus, he needed to get back to the hotel. It had been _ages_ since he had drunk that much and if he only drank that night to avoid  a conversation with  Louis he so didn’t want to have, then well, nobody needed to know but himself.

            Niall continued to entertain the girls (and being entertained by them) on the way to the hotel and Harry shut off the noises they were making, because, honestly, after spending four years with those boys, he had already seen scary things and done some of them, so it was easy to ignore.

            By the time he entered the hotel room everything was dark and Louis’ breath was even, so he headed straight to the bathroom because, yes, he was going to throw up and no, that wasn’t his best moment.

            “Hazza, hey”, Louis was by his side in a second, holding his hair back. He tried not to laugh cause the positions were _so_ reversed right now that he’d feel guilty if it weren’t so funny.

            “I’m never drinking again”, Harry said after he brushed his teeth twice and sat on the bathroom floor with Louis by his side.

            “Was the party that good?”

            “No”, he frowned. “I just didn’t want to think.”

            “About what?”

            “Our talk. You leaving tomorrow. The usual.”

            “Yeah, well. This is all happening, love and I’m so sorry for it. Let’s get you to bed and we’ll deal with the bad stuff in the morning, okay?” Harry groaned but complied, getting up from the floor and following Louis to the bed.

            “Remember when we’d get smashed and shag our brains out? Those were the days”, Harry laughed.

            “We’ll have plenty of those, now just sleep, Hazz, I’m tired too.” Harry nodded and turned on his back so Louis could sleep on his chest. Louis was grounding and he needed to hold something to feel still right now. The last thing he felt was Louis’ lip on his before drifting into sleep.

           

            Harry had drunk, but Louis was the one to wake up with a sharp headache. Maybe it was the cold combined with his body sensing that he was about to get into another flight, but he was feeling like crap. He had some tea and answered some emails before waking up his boyfriend.     

            “Morning, sleeping beauty”, Louis whispered trying to get Harry to open his eyes.

            “Time’s it?”

            “Ten something.”

            “God, last night’s a blur” Harry commented sitting up on the bed. “Thanks”, he said when Louis handed him a cup of tea. “I’m never drinking like that again, never, don’t ever let me go out with Niall again, Lou, please”, he was funny begging like that and  Louis sat in front of him on the bed, pulling the covers on his legs.

            “Unpause”, Louis breathed.

            “Really?” _Please, no_.

            “Really. Plus, I am calling Jennifer as soon as I land in London to let her know about El’s… Boy.”

            “They’re gonna turn you into me, Lou.”

            “What d’you mean?”

            “It’s not gonna be “Louis Tomlinson gets out of fake relationship and finally comes out of the closet with his long-term boyfriend Harry Styles, whom, by the way, never dated one of those girls”, it’s gonna be “Louis Tomlinson breaks up with Eleanor Calder and hits every damn club in town”.”

            And the thing was: Harry wasn’t wrong. That’s exactly how they’d play this through. Whether they’d say Louis broke up and _then_ went out every night or Louis broke up _because_ he was going out every night, the story would still be the same: he was single, he could make up for lost time and hook up with every girl life had to offer. And he wanted to deny. And he wanted to say that maybe it’d be different, but…

            “… And the worst thing is that you won’t even fight it.” Harry finished.

            “How can you be so sure of that?” Louis asked kind of outraged.

            “What? You’ll stand up to Jennifer, Anthony and the whole office and say what? That you had a change of heart and is ready to tell the world that you like kissing boys? One boy?”

            “Harry, I’m not…”

            “What, gay?”

            “Harry.” Louis warned again. He was being so unreasonable and so, so _unHarry_. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again.”

            “You were the one to start it. I just don’t think I can handle another PR stunt, that’s it. I… I _don’t_ want to. I can’t hurt again, Louis. I’m twenty and I’m stuck cause there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I can’t break up with you, I can’t be with you the way I want. I can’t watch you have another girlfriend down the road. I can’t _have_ another girlfriend.”

            “I don’t want it either, Hazz.”

            “So fucking do something about it, cause with or without you I am coming out next year.” The words came out of his mouth before he could even think about it. And he didn’t even know if he meant it in his head, but now that it was out, he sure as hell wasn’t taking it back.

            “Nice, Harry. Hope you have a great coming out experience, you’ll be able to go to all the gay clubs in the fucking world”, Louis laughed drily and left the room going straight to Zayn’s, he just needed some time to think before having to leave New York.

            He knocked three times like he was trying to break the damn door when Zayn opened it looking as pissed as his morning laziness allowed him.    

            “If you fought with Harry again I swear to God Louis…”

            “HE BEGAN IT!” Louis defended himself. “He told me he’s going to come out with or without me now you LOOK AT THAT. Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with him? My birthday is in less than a week and here I am pissed at him. GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? I’M YOUNG. AND HOT. AND RICH. AND I’M STILL MISERABLE SIXTY PERCENT OF THE TIME.” Louis was shouting and Zayn really didn’t appreciate it. He was the best of friends, really, but everything had a limit, especially when Louis was talking about feeling miserable with someone who had already dealt with depression and struggled every single day not to go back there.

            “Go back to your room and let me sleep, Louis.” He was going to argue, but Zayn spoke up again. “I’ll have to spend hours on a plane with you, I need some time.”

            And okay, he had a point. So Louis left the room and stood on the hallway for a few seconds pondering where to go next. His mom was dealing with packing and the kids and Lottie was probably helping her; Liam wasn’t answering his phone so he must have gone downstairs to have breakfast with Sophia and his parents. He had Niall left, but if Harry was that drunk last night, Niall must’ve been a million times worse. So he went back to his and Harry’s bedroom and, to his surprise, Horan was there, yelling at Harry. Ok.

            “GOOD, YOU’RE HERE TOO. GET IN”, Niall yelled at Louis and closed the door behind him. “This is getting ridiculous”, he then started. “I can’t believe Harold woke me up to _whine_ after the night I had and why? Because you two are acting like two kids.”

            “Niall, what…?” Louis tried to ask. Harry was sitting on the bed, still in his underwear and Louis didn’t know how he wasn’t freezing. But then again, Harry wasn’t completely human, he believed, so.

            “For fuck’s sake, you’ve been on this ridiculous rollercoaster for six months now.  WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? Everything changes but one thing: you two. So fucking stop being twats and fighting cause it’s doing no good to anybody. You went through 2012! That was a tough year. This? What we’re having now? This is fucking paradise.”

            “We’re just tired, Ni”, Harry explained.

            “And you think I’m not? Nor is Liam or Zayn? ZAYN. That boy is bad, and he doesn’t even complain. Ever. While you two are bickering over nothing.”

            “’S not nothing”, Harry explained again.

            Louis was still near the door, just looking at Niall, who was between him and Harry spitting words and waving arms. And Niall rarely got pissed, mind. So he must have been holding this for a while now.

            “But it _is_ , Harry”, Niall had a crying tone to his voice. “Don’t you see? No matter how much you both hurt each other with stupid words and thoughts… You can’t stand living without each other. It just doesn’t happen. Does not. Will never. So why waste your time? This… This isn’t supposed to end.”

            “Nobody said it _was_ ending, Niall. We just had a fight”, Louis intervened.

            “The fiftieth in the past few months. We’re still a band, you know? And when you guys are off balance, everyone else gets screwed as well cause even with all the awards and crowds, you can be sure that our best day’s gonna be when you two come out _together_. D’you hear me, Harry? _Together_. Cause we want nothing more than see you free and happy and… Just stop fighting for fuck’s sake. I need to go back to sleep. We have a flight to catch later.”

            Harry didn’t say anything and Louis only nodded, letting him know that, yes, okay, they weren’t going to fight anymore… Or at least he hoped so. Niall took in a heavy breath and then shook his head, patted Harry on the back and made his way out after Harry saying “thank you, bro, have a safe flight”.

            “Tommo, a word”, Niall asked when he stepped on the corridor. Louis followed him. “Look, that boy in there… He loves you.”

            “I know, Ni. I love him too”, Louis smiled, cause, what?

            “NO. Harry _worships_ you. He is ruined for the world. Was from the day he met you. And don’t get me wrong, you’re a great lad and I love you like a brother, but _Harry_. He’s the kinda guy who could have anyone queuing up for him…”

            “I know that too.” He did. It was hard to believe, but he made an effort.

            “Do you? Because you’re fucking lucky, Tommo. And although I want you to take your time and I want you to be confident and I want you to have everything… Hiding who he is is _killing_ him. And he can say he’ll do it alone a thousand times but truth is, he would never. I don’t even think he _knows_ it, but he just wouldn’t. He’d hide till the end of times if it meant he could be with you. _That’s_ how much power you have. But I’m asking you, as a friend, don’t do it. Cause Harry deserves to have everything in the fucking universe.”

            “I know he does. And I… I’m thinking about it, okay? It’s just, hard. It’s not easy for me to, like, accept who I am like it is for him. I… I don’t deal well with the world, in general. But I’d do anything for him. Anything, Nialler. And I cannot believe we’re having this conversation here on the hall.”

            Niall laughed and hugged him. “Take care, bro. See you in a few.”

            Louis waved and went back to the room. Harry was on the phone with Jeff and he waited patiently to the phone call to end. He then sat across from Harry on the bed and held his gaze for what it felt like forever. And he hugged him. So, so tight. He just needed the contact. It took a while but Harry went pliant in his arms until he started to cry. And no, no, Harry shouldn’t be crying. No.

            “Love”, Louis said.

            “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Lou.” He sobbed into Louis’ shoulder and Louis tightened his hold .

            “It’s okay, Hazz.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Yeah, of course”, he tried a smile, pulling Harry’s face to line up with his.

            “I don’t want you to go back to England mad at me. And your birthday is this week and…” Harry’s voice sounded kind of broken and Louis hated it.

            _When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that’s when it’s real – that’s when it’s worth it_ , Louis remembered. It didn’t mean he liked being the one to make that boy sad.

            “I’m not mad at you. Well. I am, a little. But I do understand where you’re coming from. And I _adore_ you.”

            “I’m not coming out without you. I can’t. I can’t do anything without you.” Harry said seriously, holding Louis’ hands. There was this frown on his face that showed how worried he was on being truthful and how concentrated he had gotten to make Louis believe that.

            “You can.” Louis replied. “You can do whatever you want without me, hell, you can conquer the world on your own.” And boy, was that true! “But the fact that you choose not to… That’s what makes me believe we’ll last for… For a long time.”

            “Forever?” There it was again, the hopeful question the sixteen year old boy had on his mind since their first kiss and only had the guts to ask years later.

            “Stop being sappy, Styles.” Louis rolled his eyes in lieu of a better answer and kissed Harry, hugging him afterwards and then moved himself from the bed to start packing.

            It wasn’t like Louis didn’t _want_ forever with him, he _so_ did. He just couldn’t let himself be this naïve. He remembered talking to his mom a couple of years ago, about this. Louis had seen great love in his life and he’d also seen it fall apart, end like it had never been there. He’d seen perfect couples with never ending happiness turn into dust in time. He’d seen enough of relationships to know that everything had an expiration date.

            So one day he asked his mom about forever. About forever with Harry. He had felt like a ten year old again in her arms as he listened to her soothing voice as she tried to explain to him that only time would tell – and time could be as nice as it could be cruel, so the best he could do was just _go with it_ , put his heart and soul in the present because that was where things happened. And that’s how forever was built, on struggling everyday to not let go of the most important thing of your life. “And some people just don’t have the strength to fight everyday, which is a shame really”, she had told him, before handing a cup of hot tea and kissing his forehead.

            Louis fought. And he was winning so far so that was pretty much all he could’ve asked for. He was also in his twenties, and in a boy band, so, really, how could he predict the damn future? He wanted Harry in it. And a big house and a hundred kids, because that was the plan, that was their plan. So he focused on it instead of thinking “what will happen to us when the band ends and we don’t see each other as much?”, “will we move in together finally or will we realize we need some space after so many years?”, “ will we even be in the same country?”.

            “Forever” was a nice thought. Forever was what he wanted. He was fighting the present, though. And he’d keep fighting in it.

 

-

 

            New York was really boring and _that_ was a thought Harry never considered crossing his mind. But it was. Full and noisy and he really wanted to go to England. So he packed his stuff and let his bodyguard know that they were going back on the twenty-second.

            As soon as he landed in London his phone buzzed with a text from Nick asking him to have lunch, so before going to Holmes Chapel he stopped by his friend’s flat to eat and talk. Saying goodbye to Preston, who was getting a few well deserved free days, he entered Nick’s apartment and shook off his wet coat. It was snowing, of course. Fuck you, winter.

            “So, everything ready for tomorrow?”, Nick asked.

            “Yes. Yeah”, Harry smiled and toasted. The next day was Louis’ birthday and although they wouldn’t be able to spend the entire day together because of _reasons_ (which was basically: Harry needed to be seen alone in Holmes Chapel so nobody would think he was with Louis), they’d meet at a hotel in Manchester with their families and few friends to a celebration. It was a good deal. Plus, they’d all spend Christmas Day together, so.

            Harry had been thinking about Louis’ birthday present for ages now. It was hard because there came a time where they couldn’t surprise each other much: they had everything and what they didn’t have, they had the money to buy. But they always tried. Usually the small things turned out to be the best ones.

                       

            He left London at about four o’clock, texting his mom to let her know he’d be home in time for dinner and then Louis, just to see if everything was ok. He got a reply from Félicité telling him to let her have her brother for a few more hours before he’d steal him again. And then _just kidding, H, you can have him, he’s a menace._

            _He is, don’t know why I love him_ , he replied.

            And then Louis called to complain. He laughed for about fifteen minutes before he hung up the phone to concentrate on the road. If there were no traffic, he’d make it in two and a half hours… But then again there was the snow on the pavement, so… Yeah, it’d be a long drive.

 

                       

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost done here (:  
> Would you guys like a 2015 version of this? (With all the Elounor break up + Zayn drama + shit coming from everywhere...? haha)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a big note at the end but please read it? Please? (: xx

“Harry, where are you?” Robin’s voice echoed on the phone.

            “Still at the pub”, Harry replied.

            “Get your ass over here, son, it’s eight o’clock already”, he said, voice a bit tipsy and Harry could picture the smile on his face. On the background, Harry could listen to pop music and laughter.

            It was Louis’ birthday, for Christ’s sake, and Harry was at a pub in Holmes Chapel. He sometimes could come really close to hating his life, but no, everything was fine, everything was under control. He’d go to Manchester and finish the night with his boyfriend and their families and drink and party and life would be good, great even, again.

            Harry said goodbye to his friends – who unfortunately had no idea of where he was going next – and paid the bill, leaving the pub hurriedly, not really minding the cold that hit his face once he was out. He couldn’t stop his nerves for what was coming next, for what he’d do next, so he put on loud music and felt less alone in the confined space of his car.         

 

            Nick had assured Harry that everything was gonna be okay. You see, he wasn’t best friends with Louis, they had had one fight or two over the years, nothing big, but, still. One thing he never doubted, though, was that Louis loved Harry. And even when Harry dared to doubt it, Nick would hit him on the head and tell him to get his shit together. Harry trusted Nick. Nick said everything was going to be fine, so there was no need for him to be sweating on the freeway twenty minutes away from Manchester.

            It’d help if his family knew. Well, his mom did, but that was it. He hadn’t had the time to talk to everybody properly. And… Fuck, was that a good idea anyway? With their lives being so damn crazy and… He should have talked to Niall as well. Or Liam. Or Zayn. Or all four of them because, honestly, they were the ones with whom he spent more time with. Harry was feeling irrational and nervous and next thing he knew he was pulling the car in front of the hotel where the small reception was happening.

            It had been two days since he last saw Louis, but he was craving a hug already. This wasn’t normal, he knew it. That uncomfortable feeling of being distant, that ache to touch and talk and look… Since the early days of their friendship and then relationship… Sixteen year old Harry knew it wasn’t something that happened to everybody.

            He saw Louis as soon as he entered the saloon where the party was happening. He was talking to Stan and Félicité, drinking beer and laughing with his whole body. Harry’s heart warmed up and he decided to say hi to everybody first, then he started moving.

            There weren’t many people, of course, their trust circle was still very limited. He kissed the twins and hugged Charlotte and Gemma and then went to the table where his mom, Robin and Jay were at with the twins. Dan and Stan’s father were talking to Louis’ grandmother and Harry would get there in a minute.

            “How was the drive, baby?” Anne asked as soon as he sat by her side.

            “Seemed longer than it actually was”, he answered leaning on her shoulder. “I need a drink, oh, thanks”, he smiled when Jay passed him a glass of champagne.

            “Pardon my French, but _why the fuck_ are you sitting here and not talking to me?” He heard Louis’ voice behind him and beamed at the boy, turning his head and leaving the champagne before.

            “Good evening, birthday boy.”

            “Cut the crap, Styles” Louis rolled his eyes but it was useless cause Harry was already on his feet, hugging the shit out of his boy.

            “Happy birthday, babe”, Harry said and kissed the complaint away. Louis went pliant in a second and hugged Harry back, smiling more than kissing.

            “Thanks”, he replied finally. “Now you may drink”, he said and sat by his side on the table. That was the most comfortable they Louis had felt in a long time. Being around family and friends did that to him. Being around people who accepted him for what he was and how he was despite every little flaw he carried.

            He loved kissing Harry and being alone with Harry, but that, being ridiculously affectionate in front of everyone, had to be his favorite thing. It wasn’t about the PDA, but showing love and having people appreciate it. Anne smiled at him and held his hand for a second or two while she told Jay a story. A little while later Dan joined them to tell what he was cooking the next day. Harry jumped in and said he’d help.

            “Gonna talk to your nan, babe, one second”, Harry kissed Louis on the cheek and made his way to the other table where Louis’ nan, two of his aunts and Stan’s girlfriend were. He was stopped by Fizzy to say hi and hand him another glass of champagne with a pout on her face. “Apparently I’m too young to drink”, she complained.

            “But you are?” Harry frowned and it sounded more like a question than anything else. He was never much of a drinker, even if he had been drinking a lot lately, but he remembered how teenagers loved feeling older. “Look, if you can keep it quiet, I won’t tell”, he said, trading drinks with her again, taking the soda.

            “You are the best, Harry Styles.”

            “Don’t tell your brother.”

            “Oh, he agrees with me”, she blinked and started walking towards the door to welcome Lou, whom had just arrived with Lux.

            Harry spent thirty minutes with Louis’ nan until Lux claimed his attention once more, saying that Louis was too busy with Ernest on his lap to pay attention to her. Harry picked her up and kissed her cheek, walking around the room showing her tables and planning on stealing a lot of chocolates before the cake.

            Oh, yeah, the cake. Fuck. He had managed to calm down once he got in there but now he remembered what he had to do before it and he’ll be damned if he weren’t sweating again. And, ok, he didn’t _have_ to do anything. But he wanted to. So bad. He breathed and put Lux down, walking with her towards Lou’s table.

            “You ok, Styles?” Lottie asked.

            “Yeah, I’m… I’m good”, he smiled and tried not to blush. He failed. And then decided it was about time.

           

            Louis received the text at eleven pm and excused himself.

            “Hazz, if that was a booty text I must warn you, we need to sing happy birthday first and…” He went speechless once he entered the room. His and Harry’s was the one on the top floor, with an open door to a deck with a pool and one of those floor couches that seemed so comfortable he wanted to lay down already.       

            All the lights were dimmed so the pool candles were highlighted. Harry stood by the pool with his back turned to Louis, hands in his pockets and hair on the wind. Louis caught his breath for a second there to remind himself that that boy was, indeed, real.

            “Hazz.” Harry turned and looked at him. And then laughed. Just a little. A small laughter, as if he were relieved? Louis couldn’t quite tell, but smiled back, walking around the pool to be next to him.

            “You know, I was proper nervous. Since I got back to England”, Harry started. “And now it’s all vanished? Like. I’m not nervous anymore?”

            “Why would you be nervous, love?” Louis asked and caressed his face with the back of his fingers.

            “You terrify me, Lou”, Harry answered simply. “But then again, you’re the one who takes away the fear, so I guess it’s balanced? And you sometimes make so mad that I swear to God I hate you with all my love. I also can’t live without you, even though you firmly believe otherwise.” Louis was about to talk again, but Harry cut him off. “You do. You’ve told me I can do anything without you, I just choose not to. It isn’t a choice. I never stood a chance. I was a _kid_ and I loved you then as much as I love you now. And I loved you when we were on our first tour. I loved you when the only twins were Phoebe and Daisy and I loved you when the other twins were born. I loved you when we went to Japan and South America. I loved you in that football game and I loved you last Christmas. I loved you when you hated me for pretending to date Taylor and  I loved you every time you were out with Eleanor.”

            Louis wasn’t going to say anything now, because he didn’t quite know where this was heading but he sure as hell didn’t want Harry to stop. So Harry continued.

            “I loved you every time we were papped together and when we had to hide on the X Factor house, because you weren’t sure of what we were. I loved you through all of the tumblr theories. I loved you when you cursed on twitter and I loved you when you hugged your mom so tight cause you missed her so much. I loved you when you visited my mom and when you decided you wanted to start your own company. I loved you when you stole my jumpers and when you let me steal your chips. I loved you when you thought it was safer to hug Liam on stage. I loved you in New York last week when we fought and I loved you ten minutes ago. You see… I loved you through everything we’ve been through, when we lost the show and when we won the world and I could name all of it if you wanted but, bottom line is… I’m not gonna stop loving you, Lou. That’s just, not gonna happen.”

            “Good”, Louis breathed, amazed by how Harry, who was never so eloquent, said all of those things, capturing big and small and so perfect moments. There was nothing in the world but themselves at that moment and Louis walked a bit closer, wrapping his arms around that boy’s waist. “I don’t want you to stop loving me. We don’t end, Harry Styles.”

            “Glad you think so”, Harry smiled and took something out of his pocket and _oh, that_ was really happening, okay. “Cause I don’t plan on letting you go, so… Will you marry me, Louis Tomlinson?”

            YES. YES. OF COURSE YES. YOU TWAT, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE WORLD KNOWS I’LL MARRY YOU. PLEASE.

            He then realized he was just thinking but not saying anything. Ok, Louis, use words. Harry’s staring at you and you need to use your words. You can do this. _How do I speak again? Christ! It can’t be this hard_.

            “You’re so gonna be Harry Tomlinson”, he managed to say before jumping on Harry’s arms. “I can’t _believe_ you did it before me”, he smiled and tugged on Harry’s curls. “Oh my God”, _ok Louis, don’t cry, c’mon_. Harry lifted him and he felt a tear on his cheek. Ok, so he was crying.

            He was engaged, he was allowed to cry.

            “I’ve loved you through everything, too. Still do, you know? Always will. You ruined me for the world”, he whispered on Harry’s ear and then turned his head to catch Harry’s mouth.

            Screw international awards. _That_ was the happiest moment of their lives until now.

            “Just so we’re clear… That was a yes, right?” Harry said afterwards. “Cause we need to go downstairs sing happy birthday and everything...”

            “You’re ridiculous”, Louis rolled his eyes and let Harry put the ring on his finger. “That was the _yesest of yeses_ , Hazza. I love you so much I could marry you.” And even though the timing might have made it seem like a joke, he was never so serious in his life.

            “Good thing you will.” They made out for a while there. They weren’t sure cause time wasn’t their main concern until Harry’s phone buzzed with Lottie asking where they were.

            They made their way downstairs holding hands being totally reckless and silly for each other. The cake was already on the main table, and Dan made a joke about being almost _not_ Louis’ birthday anymore, cause it was fifteen to midnight.

            All of Louis’ sisters were by his side and so was Jay. Harry stood in front of the table with Anne and the rest of the guests. One of the waiters lit up the candles and they sang loudly and happily, and Louis’ eyes alternated between Harry’s smile and his mom’s face beside him. He was _so_ happy.            

            He wanted to go back a few years and tell his seventeen year old self that everything would be okay, that not everybody left, that he’d be able to help his family so his mother wouldn’t have to count every penny by the end of the month and the girls wouldn’t have to wear each others’ clothes. He’d give him a high five for standing up to his father and for staying strong when Mark decided to leave the next year.

            He’d tell eighteen year old Louis that his family would be bigger, brighter and happier. He’d tell him to calm the fuck down, being gay was not the end of the fucking world, it was, indeed, one of the best things that could have ever happened to him, in him?, because one day he’d be standing in this room, with those people, looking at the most amazing boy in the world, and that boy would be his fiancée. And life would be good.

            Life would be fucking amazing.

            “Honey, make a wish”, Jay said, after the chorus ended.

            “Well, I have the most amazing family and a job that I love. And also, I’ve just gotten engaged, so what’s there to ask?” He asked loudly and smiled as big as he could. Harry was grinning too. For a second, only a second, everybody went silent, and then claps and cheers and “oh my Gods” exploded. He caught a glimpse of Anne tearing up and hugging Harry before he was engulfed by his mother on a similar one.     

                       

            Although everybody would meet again for Christmas lunch, Anne, Robin and Gemma decided to go back home and wake up early on the 25th to make their way to Doncaster while Louis’ family and Harry would stay at the hotel and do the same the next day.

            “Hazz, I’m gonna get some sleep cause we’ll wake up really early to go back to London…” Louise came to him.

            “Hi, Luxie” Harry picked her up and gave her a hug and then passed her to Louis, hugging now the mom. “Happy Christmas, Lou.” And then she slapped him. “What was that for?”

            “For not including me on your proposal plan? Fuck, Harold”, she laughed and hit him again.

            “I’m sorry, I only told Nick cause I needed help to buy the ring under the radar.”

            “Grimshaw?” Louis asked and scoffed. “Nice, Hazza.”     

            “Congratulations, you twats.” Louise said and then hugged Harry. “If I’m not maid of honor, I’m not speaking to you again in this lifetime”, she hissed in Harry’s ear, who laughed and tightened the hug.   She hugged Louis then and said something Harry couldn’t figured, but ended with “love you” so he smiled.

           

            People were cleaning up when Harry got to talk to Jay. She was sending the kids to sleep and Harry and Louis hugged them all before saying good night. She sat down on one of the tables and asked for three glasses of champagne. Louis took of his blazer and sat by her said, in front of Harry.

            “You know…” She started. “There was a time in my life I doubted love. I’m serious, I thought _maybe_ it doesn’t exist, _maybe_ it comes and goes naturally, _maybe_ people aren’t supposed to keep it.”

            “Mom”

            “You guys prove to me everyday what a fool I was” She smiled. “Cheers.”

            “Cheers” they both echoed and toasted with the champagne.

            “I love you, Harry Styles”, Jay said to Harry

            “Love you too. Your entire family” he confessed, trying not to cry.

            “Our family”, she corrected him. Ok, that would do. He hugged her and pulled Louis in as well. _Even when the night changes, this will never change_ , he thought and smiled at himself, remembering the exact day they wrote Night Changes and how it seemed perfect for him and Louis.

            Love did exist. It didn’t have to go away. It wasn’t going to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: I know most people think they're ALREADY married. And maybe they are? But I had this proposal in mind for a long time and I needed to get it out of my system, so, sorry if it weren't according to your expectations :/  
> Second of all: there's an epilogue after this and I'll post it in a few days, I'm just working on a few things. 
> 
> Now, I've noticed I haven't said thank you enough so: thank you. I never thought anyone would read this and you've been so kind to me, it really means a lot when somebody comments and I realize they really enjoyed something I did?! Yeah, it's amazing, thanks.
> 
> I'm working on a 2015 version that will be called Fireproof (I intend to post the first chapter right after the epilogue of this one..... Maybe next week, what do you think?) . I've just finished writing the whole Zayn drama and everything in me hurts, so be kind in the future if you ever read a scene that isn't so good (I swear that after everything I still wanna cry sometimes).
> 
> At last: downgoesanotherhero is my tumblr. I'm not used to asks or anything, so it's just for fun and some larry gifs and photos. It's really personal though. If you ever want to ask something or just know my face? haha, here's twitter: @dearvallemarina (Half of the tweets are in portuguese but most of 1D related things are in english, I promise).
> 
> Again, thanks. REALLY. REALLY REALLY.  
> All the love <3


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time they're ready to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I’m not sure if the Rocking Eve event was live, but for the sake of the story, just go with it, haha.]

            After Boxing Day, when Harry went to watch the Manchester United game, he headed back to Holmes Chapel to spend some more time with his family while Louis did the same. They met up on the 28th because Louis lost a bet to Gemma and had to drive to Cheshire to pay up, but he drove back to Doncaster the next morning anyways.

            Harry made sure to sleep a lot and eat Anne’s food. He also went to the bakery, before going back to London, to give those great ladies late Christmas presents and spent an entire day cooking and playing videogames with Alice. Life was good and peaceful and he was finishing 2014 perfectly fine, thank you very much.

           

            Except for the fact that Louis was weird in New Year’s Eve.  Not weird _bad_ , just… Different. Distant. But maybe it was because they were once again surrounded by strangers.

            “Hazz, we gotta tell them before going on air”, Louis said. Oh, right. “Wish I could be wearing the ring, though”, his smile fainted.

            “’S fine, you know, it really is. We have so many tattoos by now that I highly doubt I need a ring to call you mine anyway”, Harry half laughed. It was true.

            “It’d be better if I could, though, right?”

            “Y-yeah”, he agreed. “So, shall we?” Harry opened the door and they entered the biggest dressing room backstage. They were at the Rocking Eve event and after they sang they’d all go separate ways, so it was a good moment.

            Everybody was excited, and the room was loud. Zayn was the happiest he’d been in a while, probably because Perrie was there and Louis smiled to himself – he was kind of tired of seeing Zayn down. Harry whispered something in Paul’s ear and he nodded, clearing the room, leaving only the boys, the girlfriends, Louise – who already knew but kept it a secret, bless her – and Caroline. He stayed there was well.

            Harry and Louis looked at each other having one of those mental conversations about who should talk first. Their friends went silent one by one and it was kind of comic, they all had the whole “spit it out for God’s sake” expression on their faces.

            Louis did.

            “So.” He breathed heavily and smiled for his next sentence. “We’re engaged.” He said and next thing he knew Liam was lifting him from the ground and spinning him around.

            “Congratulations, Tommo”, he said once he put him on the ground, giving him a tight hug. “Dibs on best man”, he yelled before Zayn could hug Louis too.

            “You wish. I am the captain of this ship”, Niall interjected with one arm around Harry’s neck.

            “Congratulations, boys.” Paul said. “Unfortunately, you’re due to perform in a while or we’d celebrate it.”

            “I think we have time for one toast”, Sophia, who was also there beaming at them both said after hugging Harry.

            “C’mon, Paul!” Liam said. “By the way, I won the fucking bet, you twats”, he laughed and hugged his girlfriend kissing her forehead.

            “Bet?” Harry asked.

            “On when you’d sort your shit out”, Zayn said. “Niall said you’d be _married_ by the end of 2013. Liam bet you’d get engaged this year. Shamefully, I thought it wouldn’t happen while we’re still a band.”

            “I. WIN. I am the best man, Niall.”

            “Fuck off, Payno.” Niall laughed.    

            “Thanks? I guess?” Louis laughed too and accepted the drink Paul handed him.

            “Plus, we’re not _getting married_ next month, we got engaged. I’m pretty sure you can all be our best men”, Harry smiled and hugged Louise, taking a drink from her.

            “Should we toast to Larry Stylinson, then?” Sophia asked. Louis rolled his eyes. He still thought the name was a bit ridiculous if he was being perfectly honest, but the way Harry smiled at the mention of it made him _kind of_ fond of the whole ship thing-y.

            “To love”, Niall raised his glass. They all toasted and gave a big group hug. Louis did love those people. So much. Not so much as he loved Harry, though. Never so much as he loved Harry. This made his decision a couple of days ago much easier and his nerves calm a bit at that moment.

            It was going to be okay.

           

            They performed together for the last time in 2014. They shouldn’t be this emotional, but they were, everything was happening and there was still _so much_ to come. It was overwhelming.               

            Everybody said their goodbyes and wished happy new years backstage and only then they had realized that it not only was their last performance of the year, it was also the last time Paul was working with them. A wave of sadness passed over them and for a second there they only stared at each other. Paul and the boys. What a ride.

            “Thank you”, Paul said kind of choking, being engulfed on a five people hug.

            “Thank you”, Liam and Harry said at the same time.

            Liam left with Sophia right after that, totally pretending he hadn’t cried a bit and Niall said goodbye as well, looking forward to Funky Buddha New Year’s Eve party.

 

            “Reckon you need me to keep you in check for one more night?” Paul asked Louis. “My wife is with her family. Wanna spend some more time with mine”, he said. And Paul wasn’t a softie. Neither was Louis. Somehow, they both wanted to cry their eyes out.

            “It’ll be an honor”, Louis smiled and asked for a few minutes to get ready, but he really needed to go to his dressing room and let a tear or two escape his eyes while hugging Harry. Father figures were a complicated thing in his life and Paul was the closest thing he had had in a long time. Although he liked Dan a lot, he wasn’t the one to take care of him on the road since day one.

            Paul returned drunk Louis to Harry at ass o clock in the morning, never complaining. Paul would side with Harry when they tried to make Louis eat at least one vegetable or hit the gym. Paul yelled at him at the right times. Paul was leaving too. And as much as they all wanted to pretend that they’d keep in touch, they all knew how hard it was, with their schedule and all. Louis would make an effort, though.

            When he got back, Zayn was hugging Paul so tight he thought the man would run out of breath.

            “Gonna miss you, bro”, Paul said and Zayn rubbed his red, cried out eyes. Perrie stood in the corner watching the exchange with a sad smile on her face. She had never been really close to the boys or their crew, but she knew how important they all were to each other.

            They talked for about twenty minutes before Harry claimed to be ready to go. He didn’t say much on their way to the party and Louis knew it was because he was emotional too. He hoped he’d be able to light up the mood a few minutes before midnight.

            The three of them got together to the hotel penthouse and throughout those two hours before midnight they talked to friends – Harry’s friends, mostly, the ones they could trust being themselves around – and even Ed was there. The music was nice and the drinks kept coming.

            “Thank you for everything, Paul”, sober Harry said, hugging Louis from behind.

            “My pleasure, H.”

            “Hey, love, can we talk?” Louis asked, turning himself to him. He left Paul to talk to someone he had just recognized and walked with Harry to the balcony that was somewhat empty. In a matter of minutes it’d be filled with all the guests who’d go there to see the fireworks, but it was almost private for now.

            “Everything okay?” Harry asked, kissing him on the cheek, missing the contact.

            “Y-yeah, I just… I never gave you your Christmas present. And, I, hm, here” Louis showed Harry his cell phone.

            “You wanna give me your phone?” Harry asked, knowing that no, it wasn’t it. He unlocked the screen and saw a picture of an island. “You bought me an island?”

            “No, Harold, though we can work on it in the future, if you want the entire island”, Louis rolled his eyes and zoomed in the photo. “I bought us a house in that Island, though.”

            “Where?” Harry was mesmerized, staring at the screen and the beautiful mansion in front of the beach.

            “All I’m saying is that it’s in South America.” He smiled and Harry knew he wanted to leave the exact location a surprise for the first time they went there. Harry also had an idea of where it was. “You loved it there and, well, it’s a private island, and I had someone research it for me… I thought, maybe, we could all go there next year. With our families and all. To spend summer vacation.”

            “I love it” Harry replied quickly, hugging him really tight and laughed in his hair. “Not sure about the whole family trip anytime soon, though.”

            “Well, summer in South America is only in December. We’ll be out by then anyway, so…” Louis arched one eyebrow, the nonchalance in his voice surprising Harry.

            “Wait, what?” He was searching Louis’ face for an answer now, because the words _coming out_ had just _come out of his mouth_ without sacrifice. A lot of people were on the balcony now; he guessed it was pretty close to midnight already since almost everybody had a champagne glass in their hands.

            “Oh, yes, here” Louis passed him a paper, all screwed up from staying so long in his back pocket. Louis’ hands weren’t trembling. They weren’t. Were not. This was just another huge moment in the space of seven days. He was engaged. He was going to come out to the world.

            “What’s it, Lou?” Harry seemed almost scared to open, so Louis did it for him. Harry didn’t look down, though; he placed one of his hands on Louis waist and stepped closer, connecting their bodies. “What _is_ _it_ , babe?”

            “I talked to Irving’s lawyers, and Jennifer, and they need you to sign off a lot of stuff, but…” Louis started, tugging on Harry’s curls with both of his hands. “Jennifer emailed me this and I thought you’d like to see. It’s the schedule for our coming out process.”

            “ _Louis_.”

            “I love you, Harry Styles. And by this time next year I want the world to know I’m gonna marry you.”

            “You serious?” Louis nodded and smiled softly at him. Harry beamed. The fireworks would explode at any moment now but they couldn’t compare to the ones inside Harry’s soul. “You _are_ the love of my life.” Harry breathed into his mouth and pressed a quick, firm kiss to it. Although they had confessed their love to each other many times in a thousand different ways, those words had never been mentioned. Now that Harry said them, though, it seemed just right, not even a bit foreign. Louis felt it too, cause his blue eyes outshined all of the stars as soon as he heard it.

            “Happy New Year, Hazz”, Louis replied, smiling at him and starting the countdown with everybody else. Harry kissed him through it. He didn’t stop kissing him until they were in 2015.

            And little did they know, but 2015 would be a hell of a year. Busier. Weirder. Ridiculously harder. But _theirs_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it for 2014. I hope it was okay?
> 
> Pls send me your opinion about the Larry situation rn (after Zayn left, the time H spent in LA, Louis clubbing non-stop...); it can be on the comments or on twitter (@larryhatesmel).
> 
> Thank u :* <3

**Author's Note:**

> So, the story is complete and I just posted the first chapter to see if someone would like it. If you've read it and would like to continue, just let me know, pls (:


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